SHOUT

Horoscope

Keep your emotions in check at work. Eliminate situations that do not benefit you. Avoid getting into arguments. Your lucky day this week is Wednesday.

This Week's Horrorscope

Personally, I wouldn’t trust the salad anywhere. But that’s just me.

This Week's Horrorscope

Pry open the doors to the future. Which is bleak.

June 16, 2016
June 16, 2016

THIS WEEKS HOROSCOPE

Are you proud, ARIES?

June 9, 2016
June 9, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Your eyes and my pokes. Your lies and my jokes.

June 2, 2016
June 2, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

I can't see where your fortune lies.

May 26, 2016
May 26, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Take a grain of rice. Now sniff it.

May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

How deep is your love? Too deep apparently.

May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Aren't you tired of being a third wheel, son?

May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Why are you just staring? Start eating.

April 28, 2016
April 28, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Stop mourning, you never listened to Prince anyway.

April 21, 2016
April 21, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Don't ignore the early signs of mad cow disease.

April 14, 2016
April 14, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Crying helps rid the eyes of dangerous chemicals.