Horoscope

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You remind people of Donald Trump's comb over.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Once a desperate businessman said, "I believe in GIVE AND TAKE, AND TAKE MY GIVE".
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Your mind is curly just like your horns.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

To be rich, start shearing yourself.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

If you don't want to be the sacrificial goat, act like a MACHO MAN.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Experience the phantom sensation of someone squeezing your hand suggestively.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Bananas in pyjamas will tap your shoulder any second now.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You will bump into your ex. They are doing a lot better than you are.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

A surprising number of penguins will dictate your week.