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Horoscope

Keep your emotions in check at work. Eliminate situations that do not benefit you. Avoid getting into arguments. Your lucky day this week is Wednesday.

This Week's Horrorscope

Personally, I wouldn’t trust the salad anywhere. But that’s just me.

This Week's Horrorscope

Pry open the doors to the future. Which is bleak.

April 7, 2016
April 7, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Keep tweeting at Kanye until he responds. It'll happen.

March 31, 2016
March 31, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Jason Voorhees is behind you.

March 24, 2016
March 24, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

The dog with no tail is your nightmare.

March 17, 2016
March 17, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Oh my dear Aries, you should eat more berries.

March 10, 2016
March 10, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Live on films; it can make your life beautiful.

March 3, 2016
March 3, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Never believe your friends.

February 25, 2016
February 25, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

The more you learn about trees, the more you'll want to be one.

February 18, 2016
February 18, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Hating everyone is not going to bring you any happiness.

February 11, 2016
February 11, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Roses are red, no more single bed.

February 4, 2016
February 4, 2016

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Try walking on a rope that's tied from one of your horns to another.