Horoscope

This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES Don’t enjoy it while it lasts.
THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

This week you will get wet in the rain, but not feel it.
THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Did you ever step into the darkness fearing you'll never find your way out?
THIS WEEKS HORRORSCOPE

Aries shall arise.
THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

How awkward was the kolakoli between you and your father?
THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Your life is as complicated as that jilapi you are having.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You don't need to read this.
THIS WEEKS HOROSCOPE

Are you proud, ARIES?
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Your eyes and my pokes. Your lies and my jokes.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

I can't see where your fortune lies.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Take a grain of rice. Now sniff it.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

How deep is your love? Too deep apparently.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Aren't you tired of being a third wheel, son?
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Why are you just staring? Start eating.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Stop mourning, you never listened to Prince anyway.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Don't ignore the early signs of mad cow disease.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Crying helps rid the eyes of dangerous chemicals.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Keep tweeting at Kanye until he responds. It'll happen.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Jason Voorhees is behind you.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

The dog with no tail is your nightmare.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Oh my dear Aries, you should eat more berries.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Live on films; it can make your life beautiful.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Never believe your friends.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

The more you learn about trees, the more you'll want to be one.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Hating everyone is not going to bring you any happiness.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Roses are red, no more single bed.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Try walking on a rope that's tied from one of your horns to another.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You remind people of Donald Trump's comb over.
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Once a desperate businessman said, "I believe in GIVE AND TAKE, AND TAKE MY GIVE".
THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Your mind is curly just like your horns.