THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Your life is as complicated as that jilapi you are having.
Taurus
Duck duck goose, don't give up on that mousse.
Gemini
Go for the B1G1 iftar this week. You might get lucky.
Cancer
Nobody likes burnt halim. Neither should you.
Leo
You need to have "the talk" with your piyaju.
Virgo
You know what rhymes with burgers? Burglars.
Libra
You either get Rooh Afza or lemonade. You can't have both.
Scorpio
The only date you deserve is a date with your dates.
Sagittarius
Your job this week is to come to terms with the fact that mango season is almost over.
Capricorn
Watch out for the chicken that's going to haunt you in your dreams.
Aquarius
Is this cake, or is this reality?
Pisces
Don't forget to cut uniform pieces of that pineapple.
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