Satireday
Scientist invents instant transmission to alleviate VIP movement-related frustration
Dr Impossibru Patwary, a physicist working at the Chetona Innovation Labs at Palashi University, claims to have invented a device that can help individuals transmit their bodies instantly across short to medium distances.
Man cuts down on junk food only to be shunned by society
Society has once again done what it was created to do: shun the minority. Young Facebook reels entrepreneur Rayhan Haythere is upset because society has recently been upset with him.
He’s stealing my moves, cricket chief says after captain’s controversial interview
A recent TV interview by a current captain of a certain international cricket team has taken a drama-addicted fanbase by storm, and the chief of that particular country’s cricket board is insecure because he suspects the interview was a clear sign of the captain’s plan to take over his job.
New iPhone comes with more features, but nothing that makes you actually attractive
The radical iPhone 15 launched a week ago with features that boggled the mind of smartphone users a decade ago. Apple adopted the USB-C charger that was first seen in 2014 when China’s Le smartphone launched it. No one remembers because the powerpoint presentations were not as polished back then.
Additional brutality commissioner reprimanded for beating the wrong kind of people
The six-time-heavy-baton champion Additional Brutality Commissioner (ABC) Marum-Ek-Ghushi struck again (quite literally) and this time the blow unfortunately fell upon Chapasthan Young Men (CYM) members. The consequences were dire.
Satire / Bangladeshi toddler named in Shorbes 3 under 3
Azlazin Zafriath, a two-year-old from Dhaka, has been named in the prestigious Shorbes 3 under 3 2023 list.
Structure thought to be incomplete bridge was a completed shade all along
Ten years ago, construction of a bridge started over a fully functional road in the Kauwwasaki upazila of Bangladesh costing the people a hefty Tk 55 lakh. It stopped midway causing massive confusion, consternation and other difficult words to pop across the minds of IELTS students of that area.
Husband keeps making excuses to get on expressway, wife fed up
A wife in the capital has become exasperated following the opening of the elevated expressway as her husband refuses to take any other road, even though the expressway doesn’t yet serve the areas where they live or work.
Deshi Christopher Nolan ready with local Oppenheimer to fight against imported Jawan
Whoever thought the battle between Oppenheimer and Barbie was over, is actually living in a fool’s paradise.
Management trainee embraces ‘ownership mindset’, takes home office equipment
Police have raided his house for the equipment but none was found. The police, unsure what to do next, arrested him anyway, because why not!
Panic ensues as woman swings from coconut tree
In a rare sighting, a woman was found swinging from a coconut tree by clutching onto one of its leaves in Dhaka’s Elephant Road area on Saturday morning, creating severe panic among residents of the capital.
Guardians no longer sad about their children scoring eggs in exams
In an epic U-turn in the outlooks of Bangladeshi parents, eggs -- once considered to be the worst possible outcome -- have now become the most desired marks in the exam papers of their children.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
Woman surprised bananas have shrunk during recession
A local woman was shocked, surprised and astounded when a local shopkeeper said locally grown bananas now cost Tk 70 per ounce. It was only Tk 70 for half a dozen last week. Inflation has hit the town hard making it difficult for the folk of Lalmayshia to grab a bite with their corn flakes and high fibre, low carbohydrate muesli breakfast.
Millennial boss tries to joke with Gen Z employees, gets reported
Late last week, an assistant manager at a design agency called Creative Business Boys (CBB) was reported to HR by his subordinates.
Student regrets praying for rain instead of the ability to finish her studies in time for exams
Despondent and on the verge of tears, Promila Haider regretted making the wrong prayers the week before her university final exams. Suffering from the scorching summer heat, the 24-year-old literature student spent a lot of her time in the Cineplex theatres to cope with insufferable heat and the crushing uncertainty of what to do with her degree once she graduated.
Fight breaks out among TikToker groups about location of sky in Different Touch song
A fight broke out yesterday on Hatirjheel bridge between 17 groups of TikTokers over which part of Dhaka was referred to in the classic 90’s Bangla hit pop song “Sraboner Megh Gulo” by the excellent band Different Touch.
Rain destroys Dhaka drivers’ muscle memory: a study
Drivers on Dhaka roads lose the ability to switch on muscle memory the moment there is more than 5mm of rain, according to an in-depth study.
Girls’ football jerseys leave several injured, doctors helpless
The days of getting injured by just deadly weapons or human assault are past as Bangladesh witnessed its first ever case of people sustaining serious injuries from the shorts worn by female footballers. Doctors said these injuries were incurable.
Concert organisers play victim after things go wrong for 100th time
After attendees were left suffocated and sick in a mismanaged concert for the hundredth time in a row, the event management firm unSound Event Management has decided to play the victim yet again.
Aliens to follow mosquitoes’ example to finally start winning in movies
Aliens who have been shown in movies invading the United S of A, have now set their eyes on one of the world’s most mosquito-infested countries, dubbed “Mini Singapore”.
