Satireday
New iPhone comes with more features, but nothing that makes you actually attractive
The radical iPhone 15 launched a week ago with features that boggled the mind of smartphone users a decade ago. Apple adopted the USB-C charger that was first seen in 2014 when China’s Le smartphone launched it. No one remembers because the powerpoint presentations were not as polished back then.
Additional brutality commissioner reprimanded for beating the wrong kind of people
The six-time-heavy-baton champion Additional Brutality Commissioner (ABC) Marum-Ek-Ghushi struck again (quite literally) and this time the blow unfortunately fell upon Chapasthan Young Men (CYM) members. The consequences were dire.
Satire / Bangladeshi toddler named in Shorbes 3 under 3
Azlazin Zafriath, a two-year-old from Dhaka, has been named in the prestigious Shorbes 3 under 3 2023 list.
Structure thought to be incomplete bridge was a completed shade all along
Ten years ago, construction of a bridge started over a fully functional road in the Kauwwasaki upazila of Bangladesh costing the people a hefty Tk 55 lakh. It stopped midway causing massive confusion, consternation and other difficult words to pop across the minds of IELTS students of that area.
Husband keeps making excuses to get on expressway, wife fed up
A wife in the capital has become exasperated following the opening of the elevated expressway as her husband refuses to take any other road, even though the expressway doesn’t yet serve the areas where they live or work.
Deshi Christopher Nolan ready with local Oppenheimer to fight against imported Jawan
Whoever thought the battle between Oppenheimer and Barbie was over, is actually living in a fool’s paradise.
Management trainee embraces ‘ownership mindset’, takes home office equipment
Police have raided his house for the equipment but none was found. The police, unsure what to do next, arrested him anyway, because why not!
Cities that looked like Europe from the sky now looking like the Pacific
Once one of the greatest actors of our galaxy compared the cities of Chapasthan with those of Europe. He was so overawed by the celestial appearance of his country’s cities that he could not resist rating European cities lower.
My time on the sidewalk
The Sun shines, a relentless yellow, My watch strikes 8:04am, The little window to escape wasting away For eternity or till 10:20am,
Management realises after 15 years employee does not do anything
The management of a biscuit factory learned yesterday that an employee who has been working at the head office for the last 15 years has actually done nothing all that time.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
Poor man tries to pull himself up by his bootstraps, boots fall apart
Intriguing events unravelled last Tuesday, as Azib-o-Garib, Minister for Poverty, visited a slum in the capital’s Dogargaon area.
Actor-politician Alan: Man of Courage, beaten for filming films
Politics is a difficult subject to master mostly because it is not offered as a Master’s degree subject … you know, the kind of real politics that end up with two ministers on a talk show slapping each other. Or members of parliament in office kick boxing each other. Or political aspirants fighting each other at voting centres.
Accusing Threads of copying Twitter, Elon Musk threatens to block thoroughfares
“If he cannot make something original, why doesn’t he just leave this country and go to China?” Elon Musk said in acute rage while alleging that Mark Zuckerberg copied his Twitter to make Threads.
Rags-to-riches actor to start making arthouse films to win over tri-state residents
Gone are the days of sending five gangsters flying with one kick, said film actor Sayam Chowdhury, popular among the tasteless poor.
Conspiracy theorist in shock after learning the real truth
“Conspiration nation, you don’t know the real truth but I do, and you won’t believe it but I have done that hard work for you so listen up!” — is how famous Twitch streamer and YouTuber, Sacchi Mucchi, popularly known as DeyBLyin, would begin most of his videos.
Introvert who can’t carry conversation shouts ‘that’s crazy’ in every reply
Even at the age of 26, Syeda Chupchap Komkotha, a recent university graduate, struggles to socialise. It’s not like she isn’t interesting or doesn’t have quirky insights to share, it’s more of a general disinterest towards other human affairs.
Forgotten film actor’s dance moves mistaken for heart attack
In a bizarre incident last week, semi-notable TV and film actor Jaded Kzan found himself rushed to the hospital after attempting to showcase his dance moves at a party. Clad in black faux leather, the actor was socialising with other guests when he suddenly contorted his body, convulsed, collapsed and crumpled to the floor, seemingly burdened by the weight of his recent IELTS preparation for a trip to the United States.
Employee who fell asleep sues company over loss of productivity
Akmar Crimer, an employee at The Everyday Stare Agency for Beautiful People, filed a motion against his company for failing to keep him awake at office meetings.
Chairs Anonymous pledges to ‘bring back the original utility of chairs’
Some of them screeched as they moved, while others rolled in strides thinking everybody was totally jealous of them (they were) – the annual Chairs Anonymous, a chair-only two-day convention commenced in the capital yesterday.
7 tips for mental health while regular people suffer during heavy rain and waterlogging
This week our bosses decided Satireday should do some good instead of making people laugh and reduce stress. We have decided on starting a health column. It may seem random like a red university bus running you down from the wrong side of the road but our jobs depend on it. This week we give tried and tested tips on how to stay safe during monsoon season.
