Satireday
Man escapes Dhaka after attending fire safety workshop
An employee of a paper company in the capital’s Farmgate has been absent without official leave ever since he attended a fire safety workshop at work.
Employer refuses to give workers raises because they will get mugged if they have money
A car company has stunned industry insiders with a revolutionary new approach that improves workers’ quality of life and reduces the pressure on company coffers all at once. By refusing to give employees their scheduled raises and keeping them dangerously close to the edge of poverty, Stellar Motors -- Dhaka’s largest automobile importer -- is confident it can reduce the risk of employees being robbed in the streets and losing the little wealth they might still possess.
When Readers Write / Families with less than 3 members to merge
The government has recently announced its plan to address the problem of small families.
Organisations tackle inflation squeeze by introducing ‘Pay-To-Work’ policy
February has passed but employees at several major business firms have still not received any yearly increment or contract renewal. Employees are having difficulty making ends meet, what with rice and essentials doubling in price. Transport costs have gone up even though diesel price has been reduced by Tk 0.75.
Seeking affordable dates, Bangladeshi opens Tinder account
A man from Basabo has opened a Tinder account after he learned from one of his friends that dates on Tinder and Bumble were more attainable than in the current market.
Chintito since 1995 / Truth shall prevail
And so now the Pope is wrong because he is calling for peace and trying to save lives. He advised Ukraine to show the “white flag”, which other than meaning surrender is also a symbol of peace.
Twisted thoughts, warped words, and despicable deeds
You have all been invited for “daal-bhaat to a gorib’s house” by (surprise, surprise) a well-to-do host. Obviously, he is far from being poor. Or else, he would not have invited you.
Things you can do when the internet is down
Due to maintenance work going on today on a submarine cable that brings us internet, connectivity will be disrupted for 12 hours between 7:00am and 7:00pm.
When readers write / ‘We’re land optimisers, not grabbers’
In the bustling world of business, a group of savvy businessmen - the Real Estate Federation – were found scratching their heads in utter amazement.
Chintito since 1995 / This land is not for sale
The present landlords have been living on their land, happily, merrily, for eons with their elders and children.
Readers’ corner / ‘Country first, company second, culture somewhere’
Rabindranath, not the Bard of Bengal, began an internship at a renowned local company in quest of the actual essence of corporate culture. He studied BBA to keep up with the trends, but now he regrets doing so.
Boss shocked that employees not happy about being paid 5 peanuts instead of 4
Employees at a local digital marketing agency have expressed shock after being offered a raise of one peanut.
‘It’s disgraceful that rain did not fall in time’
Sri Lanka batter Angelo Mathews has termed it disgraceful and atrocious that the rain did not fall before New Zealand beat them in their World Cup match in Bengaluru on Thursday.
Economic success now defined by how often men change the colour of their car
Economists worldwide have ditched traditional metrics like GDP that were always used to identify prosperity of a nation. It is no longer in fashion. Woke activists have been especially relieved now that the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) concept has been thrown out the window because they find it offensive to have the word “Gross” in their regular conversation. But also, a new theory is now in place.
Palesreal the only solution, says privileged American
The current crisis in the middle east has a simple solution: Palesrael.
Celebrities of Bangladesh offering support
Celebrities all across Bangladesh and other fortunate places under the Guava Convention have come together to offer support. They have held a demo kabaddi match as a press conference to show that they are concerned.
5 things to do when there is a Bangladesh match on TV
You know there is a Bangladesh match on. You’ve cleared up your schedule, it’s a world cup match after all. Eight hours with nothing to do but lean back and enjoy the men in green in action.
Politician wins Nobel in literature for artistically insulting opposition
A politician from Chapasthanhas won the Nobel Prize in literature in recognition for his artistic way of insulting opposition leaders during speeches.
Getting out to avoid cheating; Australia to Bangladesh’s rescue
The following is a roundup of World Cup news, real and imagined. More imagined than real. Actually, it’s all imagined.
Four friends travelling from Khulna perish from starvation in Dhaka traffic gridlock
Last Wednesday Mishap Talukder of Khulna set out on a road trip to the capital with his three best friends. They were celebrating their recent financial gains from a startup pyramid scheme called RiverValley. Their startup gained rave reviews where people spent money to buy little pyramids all across Bangladesh, Mongolia and the moon and name each pointy structure after their beloved.
Scientist invents instant transmission to alleviate VIP movement-related frustration
Dr Impossibru Patwary, a physicist working at the Chetona Innovation Labs at Palashi University, claims to have invented a device that can help individuals transmit their bodies instantly across short to medium distances.
