Horoscope

Keep your emotions in check at work. Eliminate situations that do not benefit you. Avoid getting into arguments. Your lucky day this week is Wednesday.

4y ago

This Week's Horrorscope

Personally, I wouldn’t trust the salad anywhere. But that’s just me.

4y ago

This Week's Horrorscope

Pry open the doors to the future. Which is bleak.

4y ago

This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES Don’t enjoy it while it lasts.

4y ago

THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

This week you will get wet in the rain, but not feel it.

7y ago

THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Did you ever step into the darkness fearing you'll never find your way out?

7y ago

THIS WEEKS HORRORSCOPE

Aries shall arise.

7y ago

THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

How awkward was the kolakoli between you and your father?

7y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You will bump into your ex. They are doing a lot better than you are.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

A surprising number of penguins will dictate your week.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

There exists a pair of trousers that can fold itself into its own pocket in your future.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

The janitor's closet turns into an ice cream store every time it is locked from the outside.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You don't know my life. I've been to dark places. The lights in my attic don't work.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You will be your worst enemy. Steer clear of mirrors and any reflective surfaces altogether.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

You are the reason people share cow selfies on the internet.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Maybe if you said yes, the popsicle wouldn't melt in you.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

Tonight you will be visited by the spirit of indecisiveness. Maybe.

8y ago

THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

This is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady.

8y ago