HORRORSCOPE

This Week's Horrorscope

Limping men are likely to have been hurt, unless they're method actors.
This Week's Horrorscope

Telephones and later, jelly cones.
This Week's Horrorscope

Inter galactic communication is happening right now, through this magazine.
This Week's Horrorscope

Sporadic bouts of sadness lead to a healthy lifestyle.
This Week's Horrorscope

Give me your money for you will only waste it.
This Week's Horrorscope

Hey prude, be a little rad. Take a bad song, and play it louder.
This Week's Horrorscope

I see things I wish no one else has to, do you?
This Week's Horrorscope

Laser technology has progressed far enough for us to be scared.
This Week's Horrorscope

This Week's Horrorscope
This Week's Horrorscope

Walls close in and the ground disappears, I wish I could fly.
This Week's Horrorscope

Growth comes at a price and you can't afford it.
This Week's Horrorscope

Today, you will get the gift of banana.
This Week's Horrorscope

You should really get rid of that empty water bottle.
This Week's Horrorscope

If you are a comms manager, are you small in some way?
This Week's Horrorscope

Your mouse will get stolen by a dog.
This Week's Horrorscope

Any moon that rises in autumn sucks.
This Week's Horrorscope

Let's get down to business. You're going to face all your job interviews in the future.
This Week's Horrorscope

There is no way my brudda.
This Week's Horrorscope

Do you believe in life after love? I really don't think you're strong enough.
This Week's Horrorscope

The alignment of the stars does not dictate your fate in any way.
This Week's Horrorscope

Country roads, take me home, unless it's in North Bengal because the roads have lost it.
This Week's Horrorscope

Remember, remember, the rain in November; old and tacky, please stop.
This Week's Horrorscope

Who likes melted ice cream anyway?
This Week's Horrorscope

Great men have tried and failed, are you good enough to make every my dreams come true?
This Week's Horrorscope

Able bodied men and women need to sit up and turn down the AC/fan because it's getting cold.
This Week's Horrorscope

Melted chocolate can be lethal if put in the right place.
This Week's Horrorscope

Take a 5 minute break before every sentence you speak.
This Week's Horrorscope

Greetings with words are no longer adequate. Curtsy from now on.
This Week's Horrorscope

A dumb camel once said, “Moo.”
This Week's Horrorscope

Why do you think “bottle” is a funny word?