HORRORSCOPE

This Week's Horrorscope

Some poets don't know how to write poetry.
This Week's Horrorscope

Hey, what's your star sign?
This week's Horrorscope

Eating spaghetti will get you nowhere.
This Week's Horrorscope

Liking Game of Thrones cannot be a substitute for having a personality.
This Week's Horrorscope

Pasta won't help with the relationship problem.
This week's horrorscope

Rachel is a good name for a pet cloud.
This Week's Horrorscope

Goth is not a look, it's a lifestyle.
This Week's Horrorscope

There is someone from Australia who is thinking about you.
This Week's Horrorscope

EDM is the jazz of the 21st century.
This Week's Horrorscope

Sucking on potatoes will improve your luck.
This Week's Horrorscope

Hello, is it 2441139, Bella Bose, where is my shawarma?
This Week's Horrorscope

Ill made is the happiness that is made selling contraband, like sweet smiles.
This week's Horrorscope

If you're really looking into buying that self-help book, you're really not helping yourself.
This Week's Horrorscope

Saccharin smiles are pretty because sugar causes diabetes.
This Week's Horrorscope

Cellphones are meant for calling, not for playing Sims.
This week's horrorscope

Biopics are fun to watch unless you are myopic and the screen is at a distance.
This Week's Horrorscope

Deep quotes are dead.
This Week's Horrorscope

Call me an ophthalmologist but I think your eyes are beautiful.
This Week's Horrorscope

Guavas and Apples every day, doctors riot.
This Week's Horrorscope

Daedalus was a failed father and that is the lesson from Icarus' story.
This Week's Horrorscope

Limping men are likely to have been hurt, unless they're method actors.
This Week's Horrorscope

Telephones and later, jelly cones.
This Week's Horrorscope

Inter galactic communication is happening right now, through this magazine.
This Week's Horrorscope

Sporadic bouts of sadness lead to a healthy lifestyle.
This Week's Horrorscope

Give me your money for you will only waste it.
This Week's Horrorscope

Hey prude, be a little rad. Take a bad song, and play it louder.
This Week's Horrorscope

I see things I wish no one else has to, do you?
This Week's Horrorscope

Laser technology has progressed far enough for us to be scared.
This Week's Horrorscope

This Week's Horrorscope
This Week's Horrorscope

Walls close in and the ground disappears, I wish I could fly.