Breaking free from attachment

Illustration of two hands reaching out to one another.

A few months ago, I had gone through an unfortunate break-up with this girl I was pretty serious about. As it always is with heartbreaks, I spent a long time sifting through the pain, crying to sad songs, and dwelling on what went wrong. But eventually, I grew to realize that I could not move on unless I had overcome this sense of attachment to her.

It is only natural for us, as human beings, to feel affection and love for other people. How we become fond of another individual varies from person to person, but almost everyone, at some point in their lives had to withstand the pain of losing someone they care deeply about. However, people who struggle with insecurities, or resort to disorganized forms of attachment might struggle more with moving on.

Sometimes, we believe we have found "the one" and invest a lot in the relationship, but when that does not work out, we are left feeling empty and alone. In my case, letting go was harder because this person was a close friend of mine and the one I trusted the most. I would spend all my time talking to her or thinking about her in the times in between. When we decided to part ways, I felt this hindrance in my life – having to refigure my priorities and wondering if I would ever feel that same sense of elation again.  

However, my woes were not limited to this one loss. Sometimes a person does not have to leave your life entirely for you to feel detached, it also occurs when that person just becomes a little distant. During this period, my best friend of many years, and I grew further apart. Though he is still very much in my life, we seldom have the opportunity to talk anymore because of our hectic schedules. 

Having to adapt to these changes is where the sense of loneliness becomes reinforced. It's not like I don't have other friends and people to talk to. But sometimes, we confide in some people more than others. As was the case with me, I had this feeling that I had a lot of people to talk to, but no one to "really talk to". Moreover, I had to cope with a change in my overall routine. After all, I had all this time to myself that I would otherwise have spent with them. In situations like this, letting go becomes harder. However, hope is always found when you seek it.

Personally, I devoted this time to focusing on myself. I started going to the gym, pursued my hobbies, reached out to others and sought the help I needed. Eventually, the void gradually began to fill up again. It is a slippery slope, and there is no fixed timeframe for healing. One day you just wake up, and you do not feel that same sense of dread. You feel hopeful that you will get better with time. In the end, things do turn out better.

Sabil spends most of his time trying to stay as hopeful as possible. You can contact him at [email protected]