In relationships, chemistry isn’t always compatibility
For today's generation, finding people to date has never been easier. After all, with so many apps where you can decide instantly from a photo or bio if a candidate has any potential or not, your dating pool shouldn't have a lack of options.
However, the reality is far from being this idealistic.
Perhaps the trouble begins from the confusion where people tend to put "chemistry" and "compatibility" in the same spectrum. Does this mean chemistry is not the equivalent of what we believe compatibility to be?
Well, most people will be surprised to know the wide differences between the terms. The simple route is to acknowledge that chemistry may feel great and giddy – but is usually short lived – while compatibility between two people can persevere the relationship for a lifetime.
Let's say you decide to go to a party at the insistence of your extroverted friend. There, you bump into a stranger reaching for the same bowl of chips, which of course leads to friendly banter or subtle sparks. After you come home, your mind willingly chooses to trail back to that interaction, leaving you with a conflicted urge to have another conversation with the stranger, convincing you this is the connection you didn't know you were missing. Without you even knowing it fully, your interest in this individual has already started peaking.
For young adults, this is such a great feeling, especially in the early days of the relationship, given the interactions give way to one. Yet, of course, life gets real at some point and these relationships decide to start losing the spark, as well as its longevity. So, what exactly causes things to go wrong?
What makes these relationships often fail is people's denial in accepting that what they feel for their "person" actually lacks emotional depth and the understanding one needs to make a relationship last.
In short, if your surface-level preferences match yet your fundamental perspectives stand at opposite poles, it becomes next to impossible to row the boat in a mutual direction.
This is why the growth of online dating has, in many ways, hindered the process further of finding a significant other; one that actually connects on a deep level. What we are left with instead are judgement calls on how great their photos are, if they like Friends, and how popular they seem on their socials.
Is it any surprise that many of us are seen treading through relationships feeling lost and dejected? Breakups leave a long trail of doubt and insecurities on yourself, leaving you failing to understand what you are really looking for is mutual thought, common philosophy of life, and the urge to talk through issues where both partners actually solve problems.
All of this requires time and effort and, in fact, stems nowhere close from the naive world of only having "chemistry". Growth in general is great, but maybe some definitions should be cherished on a deeper level in its old-school box, to be felt and understood in its core essence.