THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Arial is your lucky font today.
Taurus
Try mayonnaise and tea with fried chicken.
Gemini
You know who your soulmate is? Gemaxi.
Cancer
Wearing a skull bracelet doesn't make you cool.
Leo
Leopold Butters. Remember the name.
Virgo
Do you know how to be a banana? Help.
Libra
Ask your local barber if he can give you the Taco Look.
Scorpio
Take a swig of coffee and mayonnaise. Mixed together.
Sagittarius
Did you rice your Probox yet?
Capricorn
Don't try attaching a stapler to your mouse.
Aquarius
I did warn you about the loop pedal.
Pisces
Do you know your star sign is pronounced as "Pie-sees"?
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