Eid doesn’t feel same without Brahmanbaria brawls (among other things)

Keeping up with the culture of millennials complaining during Eid, young adults on the internet are still refusing to grow up and stop whining about how Eid isn't the same anymore. However, contrary to previous years, the claim of Eid not being as eventful has some truth to it this year. 

Shadman Sakib, victim of having to grow up, insists Eid has not been the same this year owing to a lack of violent brawls in Brahmanbaria, often known as the Florida of the East. 

"Every Eid, someone from Brahmanbaria will take it upon himself to start a fight for no good reason while the rest of the villagers join in. While people were getting gravely injured for the stupidest of reasons out there, we'd have the time of our lives laughing about it on the internet," Shadman reminisces his joyous Eid memories. "If Eid in the 90s gave us Ityadi, early 2020s gave us Brahmanbaria! But this year, there was no news coming out of Brahmanbaria, nothing along the lines of someone in Brahmanbaria sending someone else to a lifelong coma over a bet about how much a cow defecates. The Romans had gladiator fights at the colosseum and we had our Brahmanbaria brawls. Eid feels so incomplete without it!"

Shadman realises Eid not being the same is just part of him growing up, "Somewhere along the line, we all realise that we've grown up. As hard as it is to let go, we understand that our childhood is gone, our parents have grown older and Eid merely feels like a responsibility now. It's like when you don't hear your parents howl at each other for a few weeks and it starts to get uncomfortable. It's not because their inner love has finally sprouted. It's because they're too old for the drama! Sure, you're happy that your parents didn't try to commit capital crimes on each other in over six months (new family record). But you feel nostalgic about letting that part of your childhood go! The same goes for Brahmanbaria. As happy as I am about the fact that they're finally acting sober, a part of me feels sad and empty about it."

However, things got worse for Shadman after his father didn't scream at him the entire Qurbani day, a father-son tradition prevalent in Bengali households for centuries. 

"I hovered around him for hours, waiting for him to lose his temper on something silly and yell at me," Shadman sobbed, "But all he did was smile and chat! Heck, he didn't even howl at the butcher and educate him on how to do his job better. And to rub salt into the wound, he even hugged me and said, Eid Mubarak! This Eid couldn't get worse."

Meanwhile, the City Corporation authority was left dumbfounded after citizens started complaining about the lack of flooded streets in Dhaka. In a press conference held earlier yesterday, DCC explained themselves, "We value the opinions of our millennial citizens, although we're starting to doubt whether we should. We realise how it might come off as suspicious that nothing went wrong with the sewage system of Dhaka on Eid. We also realise that there's a certain nostalgia involved with Dhaka South getting flooded on Eid day. However, DCC would like to clarify that we have absolutely no involvement in this unfortunate event of Dhaka not flooding up on Eid, although we'd love to take credit for it."

Remind Ifti to be quieter at [email protected]