This Week's Horrorscope | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, April 12, 2018 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, April 12, 2018

This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

I see things I wish no one else has to, do you?



TAURUS

Lakes are just large drains, like trains are larger toy trains. 



GEMINI

I scream, you scream, we all scream for better dreams.



CANCER

Koala bears and lizards have nothing in common.



LEO

Epoch making decisions are made when the sun is missing.



VIRGO

Brother, have you heard the news that the good news is coming?



LIBRA

In the times of yore, they spelled your you're.



SCORPIO

Green is the colour of Harry Potter's eyes, and your tongue.



SAGITTARIUS

Best friends are the worst friends, if bad means good.



CAPRICORN

Unless you are Spartacus, you are not part of us.



AQUARIUS

Two and two make four but you know that, you genius.



PISCES

Timbuktu is the place where I see your future.

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