Finding my way back | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, September 10, 2020 / LAST MODIFIED: 03:12 AM, September 20, 2020

Finding my way back

Finding my dreams

No one chooses to born, others choose for him. So, I did not choose the continent, the country, the district, the family I was born in: it is the naked human being's birth truth. It would be unfair if that became, turned into, a condemnation sentence pronounced on a man's life, as unfortunately, it happens often. It should be only a starting point, like birth – every birth – itself is: the beginning of every man's life journey. However, dreaming is my choice to be born; it is the power I have to decide about who I want to be, to turn my past into fuel for my future, to make the place where I stay livable for me. So, dreaming is not first of all about "what role, profession would I like to embrace?", but it is more about "whom would I want to be like?": become that unique, unrepeatable, person only I can be. Dreaming is then the "art of deciding on oneself" and dreams are drops of life. Not dreaming is living like a living dead and, when I will finally die – for the human being is mortal – it will be like I have never lived, never been in this world.

Time of crisis

Crisis is not obstacle to the fulfilment of one's dreams. A crisis will be, it is unavoidable. A crisis can come from within myself or/and from outside, they say to me that something has to be changed/adjusted in my lifestyle or redesigned it, my vision of life has to be reviewed: old schemes do not work anymore. Matters the more the way I handle things. Knowing the sources, causes of crisis helps me give a sense to facts and emotions so that they will not drag me either where I do not want to go or to do what I do not want to do. So, after the assessment of my condition, comes the expression of my "strong will": what is the next step I desire to take? It is what makes the difference between people going through tough times. My capacity of making decisions: right decisions, can be altered by the dark moments I have been going through but not my strong will to "move on" and not to "give up". In fact, on the Mental Health Test assessment report, of this second scene, the "strong will" assessment is the last one and it has not been filled up; this suggests that overcoming the crisis, every crisis, depends on my strong will, since the absolute power I have is only over myself, there are always possibilities to "move on" and to "give up" is not the solution. The diary, lying upon the study desk, symbolises the journey back to myself, to the discovery of the original version of myself: "who I am really". Unfortunately, somewhere in the world, there is someone, even younger, who - might be a friend, a sibling, a classmate, a relative etc. -, overwhelmed by a mental health issue (stress, depression, etc.) due to several reasons (personality crisis, family issue, educational failure, love issue etc.), maybe abandoned to himself, just gives up.

Dreams cut off

Suicide is then the step many go through as the solution to the crisis they have been going through, as a way to quit their pain. In fact, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO) 2019 report, every 40 seconds a person dies by suicide. However, the tragedy of suicide does not reside in the fact that I take my own life: I just anticipate my death; for the human being is mortal. But suicide's tragedy is taking my dream's life. It is a tragedy because not achieving my dreams is not fulfilling the purpose of my call to life and the world will miss my contribution to its best outlook. Moreover, suicide is not the remedy to "living-ache", but the "art of re-inventing oneself" – for I have no power over the systems but only over myself, so that to "find my way back" to the original version of myself: the unique, unrepeatable person I am called to be, to keep dreaming big and working for the fulfilment of my dreams, instead of just conserving my life as a sacred thing, is what gives a sense, taste, to my life, to live.

The art of re-inventing oneself

It is a "self-rescue step" in times of crisis. How did I get here? How do I get out? You have no fault! Ask for help! Do not mind!

However, here are two simple steps that can help you to Re-discover yourself when you feel like you do not know yourself anymore: you have lost yourself in many thoughts, things, events, circumstances etc.

Hunting your truth

  1. Put information (post-its) all-around your room reminding you who you are; the truth about yourself (i.e. "I am an unrepeatable miracle", "I am beautiful in my own right" etc.)
  2. Read words (inspiring writings, motivational speeches) that show you your "birthright" and write them down in your journal.
  3. Complete three sentences (every day) about yourself (look into your eyes through the mirror and read them to yourself):

# (your name), I am prouf of you (find seven things to celebrate yourself for)

# …, I forgive you for… (find seven things to forgive yourself for, i.e. "not believing in myself", "believing more what people say about me than what I know myself to be", "not having enough courage to be the best version of myself", "mistaking for long about love"…)

# …, I commit to you that… (make 7 different commitments to yourself every day i.e. "today my yes will be a true yes and my no will be a true no", "I will love you more than anyone one can", "I will give you a thousand second chances to get you back"…).

Keep connecting to yourself

 

Meditate; recall to your mind a moment when you felt proud of yourself, you forgave yourself, you fulfilled a commitment to yourself, try to connect to that feeling and keep it within you.

Keep a journal (writing about yourself); write down, in your journal, your thoughts, feelings, emotions, it will help you take a distance from them, master them and assign a meaning to facts, so that they will not be able to make you do what you do not want to do or become you do not want to be. Writing about yourself helps you shape/build, the person you want to be; it stops you from drowning when we are lost in people's point of view about you and even in our excessive solitude.

 

The writer, Father Brice Tambo, is a Cameroonian citizen and Catholic priest. He has been living in Dhaka for three years working in the education field. He runs a campaign on the suicide prevention.

E-mail: mylifematters.icare@gmail.com

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