Dissection of Phone-O-Live Shows

You can't navigate the channels these days without coming across a music show (usually at midnight) where artists perform live and fans call the station to engage in a small talk with their favourite stars. The show usually starts off with a well-dressed (read 'overdone') host taking the stage. Then the band and its members are introduced. At times, the shows feature individual musicians too. The drama starts off with the musician playing one of his hit songs or a newly released song because the best cannot be saved for the last. Technical difficulties can strike any time. Anyway, the show runs smoothly for the first few minutes and then the phone rings. The host says "hello" with a fake smile and heavy accent. The background TV noises are high though because the caller is overly enthusiastic to hear his own voice on live television.

Host: Congrats on being our first caller. Please lower your TV volume. We can't hear you. So, what is your name again? 

Caller 1: Yes, okay. You are looking very pretty, Apu.

Host: Thank you. If you have any song request for our artist, please go ahead.

Caller 1: Your saree is really nice.

Host: Sorry, the line got disconnected.

The host tries to make up for the awkward situation by smiling and batting her eyelashes. She then turns to the artist.

Host: So, which song are you going to sing now?

Artist: A single from my latest album.

Host: Is the song five minutes long or so? Then you must cut it short because we have to go for a short break in a while.

Artist: (hesitating) Sure, no problem.

The artist slowly unleashes his voice on the microphone. You start to enjoy what's going on and right after 50 seconds, a jingle of a pineapple cream biscuit brings you back to reality. The break has begun. The 'short' break continues for seven minutes and just as you start contemplating going to sleep, the show is back. You can almost see the bassist yawning. Meanwhile, the vocalist does a bit of microphone testing and clears his throat to sing a song.

Host: We must take a call now. Hello! Hello!

Caller 2: Could you recognise me, bhai?

Artist: (confused) If you could say your name, it would be easier.

Caller 2: I am Lalu's cousin. You gave him an autograph last week.

Artist: (flustered) Pardon me. I couldn't recognise. Anyway, thanks for calling.

Caller 2: Bhai, please, sing a song for my beloved Rojina and tell her on live TV that I love her. She is watching you now.

Artist: (embarrassed) Rojina, Lalu's cousin loves you. My next song is for you. 

Not all shows disappointed me in this manner. There is definitely a bright side to this story. Some shows have very well- informed hosts. The musicians are given reasonable freedom to carry the show forward. Advertisements do not get in the way of the performances and listeners/callers are very understanding as well. So, take control of your remote and listen to the very best. The rest will fall in place.

Dyuty Auronee is an occasional fusspot who loves her tea and authori-tea. Reach her at [email protected]