This week's horrorscope

ARIES

Biopics are fun to watch unless you are myopic and the screen is at a distance.



TAURUS

Answers are needed, as are dancers. Contact the master of dance.



GEMINI

Deep inside your heart, I see light, but now it's gone.



CANCER

Bigger, better, and bonkers. Meet the new me!



LEO

Of all the things I could have said, I chose to say this.



VIRGO

Yesterday, all my bubbles seemed so far away.



LIBRA

Please, sire! Spare me this moment of madness.



SCORPIO

Last time I was this happy it ended in me getting sad.



SAGITTARIUS

Ether should have existed just so that we didn't have to study more Physics.



CAPRICORN

Spin your lies all you want, I will only believe what I want to.



AQUARIUS

Never again, old man. This is the last time I am recovering your email password.



PISCES

Ostriches bury their head in sand because everything outside is disgusting.