THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE
ARIES
The more you learn about trees, the more you'll want to be one.
TAURUS
Here's 50 bucks, go get yourself a haircut.
GEMINI
Enter a shin kicking contest. Feel like a man.
CENCER
Are you going to eat that? There's a hungry kid downstairs who probably wants it more.
LEO
Zebras weren't made by painting stripes on horses.
VIRGO
My heart aches for those whose hearts ache for you.
LIBRA
I think we all agree that class was a big mistake.
SCORPIO
Never will a decision make more sense than when you punch yourself in the gut.
SAGITTARIUS
A mysterious man will come up to you and ask for help. You better do the right thing.
CAPRICON
The first time you saw a mirror was probably pretty amazing, don't you think?
AQUARIUS
Order yourself a big bowl of fries, and then pretend to wash your face with it. It's for a cause.
PISCES
Resisting the temptation of walking up to a wall and licking it doesn't make sense.
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