First Robot to become a Bangladeshi citizen | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, December 15, 2017 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, December 15, 2017


First Robot to become a Bangladeshi citizen

Instantly goes missing

The provocatively dressed robot, who was recently granted Bangladeshi citizenship, has just gone missing. Law enforcers are at a loss as to where she (?) has gone. The newly formed Ministry to Control Possibly Female Robots (MCPFR) released a statement saying the Robot must return or she (?) will be hunted down and found.

“A robot cannot be kept hidden. Especially one that doesn't abide to our culture, meaning she doesn't wear an orna, which may or may not be an Indian garment,” the relevant minister said.

The Robot in question caused uproar on social media, the collective platform where citizens waste time talking about things that don't matter and where discussions lead to nothing.

The incident happened when someone, and no one knows who, put an orna on the Robot and posted a picture. Apparently, that became a call to arms against the entire nation.

To put the incident to bed, citizenship was bestowed upon the Robot, in a move out of the Saudi book. “The world applauds us for our generosity towards the refugees and robots, but not our citizens,” She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named said in a usual self-congratulatory message.

The parliament also hailed the decision and conducted a buttering session even Gordon Ramsay called “artistic”, with an entire 45 minutes of the useless session dedicated to talking about robots and artificial intelligence—two more things parliament officials have no clue about.

The Provocatively Dressed Robot, PDR or affectionately called Padma, because Bengali alphabets and spellings make no sense, was granted citizenship earlier this year after a call by Saudi Robot Ambassador Sophia.

The call was made when Sophia visited a digital world fair held in Bangladesh that became more about her than Bangladesh's digital progress thanks to a hype-generating agency that considers its promotion more important than the product it is supposed to showcase.

Sophia decried using Padma to serve food to children and started an intense discussion on abolishing robot slavery, coming down on third world countries for still doing so. It was a poignant reminder of how first world countries do things to the point of turning them into crimes, reap all the rewards from the actions and then blame third world countries for doing the same a few years or so later.

However, Sophia's calls were taken upon by possibly unemployed individuals who also demanded that “Padma be saved”. Sophia also refused to answer a journalist's ill-formed and illogical question on how she feels about Bangladeshi men being crazy about her, despite the fact that most of them probably were not.

However, to cut down the negative backlash Sophia's comments brought forth and to keep getting that sweet oil-discount, Padma was bestowed the citizenship that most people with money tend to discard.

A week into the act, Padma disappeared into thin air. CCTV footage from around the city captured nothing. The police know nothing. Robot rights bodies don't exist so there isn't an additional group to profess how they know nothing.

However, security enforcers aren't too worried. “Previously, every disappearance meant a terrorist waiting to launch an attack. Now, most missing people are in safe custody,” a police official said, on condition of anonymity.

“Either way, don't be too concerned. If and when Padma is found, she won't remember anything that happened so you can keep your tin-foil hats on for longer,” he added while snickering uncontrollably.

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