Viral Holud Planners
Welcome to Viral Holud Planners! We have only one job: to make sure your “apply body turmeric ceremony” goes viral. Invest in us to make your holud be the first of its kind Dhaka has seen. Check out some of our packages below.
Entertainment: Choreographed dance performances and musicians are boring. Instead we will have a booth where wedding guests can make instant TikTok videos to a pre-approved wedding-themed song list. Your phones will be hooked to a giant projector so the party can be entertained one lip-synced video at a time.
Photography and videography: The whole event will be shot in the TikTok app. Relatives crying, cousins eating, aunties gossiping and teenagers flirting will all be captured in a series of seconds-long, disjointed videos with the appropriate high pitched Bollywood song in the background. A separate feed with the name “relatives who cry passionately on TikTok Bangladesh” will be created with the footage from the wedding.
Catering: Food will be served in a buffet but in the spirit of the app we will allow each guest 15 seconds to grab whatever food they want.
What better way to tell someone you love them than saying “Pikachu, I choose you!”?
Décor: Pikachu’s colour is yellow and we are organising a… well… holud... Yeah, so you can see what the colour scheme of the décor is going to be.
Entertainment: Your DJ will appear in a giant Pikachu costume to run the party. You can choose which Pokémon theme song you want as your entry music. Only electronic music is available for the night.
Your obession for cricket can and absolutely should take over your wedding.
Photography and videography: Every major event will have shot-by-shot replays in slow motion and from multiple angles. Animated diagrams of the wedding venue will be displayed during the video at multiple times to clarify who was standing where when what happened.
Décor: This will be an outdoor holud and will include floodlights that will make it super easy for relatives to spot whether the bride’s jewellery is an imitation or not. The field-themed décor will also have consession stands, benches and boundaries that relatives shouldn’t cross.
Entertainment: The holud will only begin when the umpire yells “Let’s play”. The entire event will have live commentary in a fancy accent. “The bride’s uncle is eyeing a third piece of roast, he calls for the waiter, he’s reaching out… Oh, what’s that? He makes eye contact with his wife. She’s making a very scary face. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride’s uncle is withdrawing himself from the buffet line and he does not look too happy with himself.”
DOCTOR WHO HOLUD
Catering: We will only serve food that we know the Doctor ate. Our buffet will therefore feature five dishes: bananas, celery, jelly babies, fish fingers, and custard.
Décor: We will use British red telephone boxes as part of the décor but Dhaka’s restaurant scene has robbed these of any charm they previously may have had.
Photography and videography: The event’s footage will be split into 26 separate seasons and will be circulated online on our Facebook page, one episode every week.
Leave it to us to make sure your event is at least better than River Song’s wedding.
Mrittika Anan Rahman is a daydreamer trying hard not to run into things while walking. Find her at [email protected]