Bangladeshi parent attempts to train AI model, ends up inflicting lifelong trauma on computer

Frustrated man using computer

In a world that relies heavily on artificial intelligence and well-executed algorithms for suggesting addictive videos on your TikTok feed, machine learning has become a crucial tool for the modern age. However, things aren't looking good for computers as deshi parents are trying out machine learning for the first time. 

Machine learning algorithms build a model based on sample data provided by the programmer to make predictions and decisions as artificial intelligence. More sample data with better quality will lead to more precision for the AI.

However, parents are reportedly bullying their AIs by comparing them with contemporary AI models.

Mark Zakirberg, father of two sons and an amateur programmer himself, complained about his program, "Why won't my AI be able to predict things more accurately despite everything I've done for it? Have I not sacrificed enough? Atahar Shaheb's AI is not only more precise, but faster as well! Both of them get electrical connections from the same grid! Then why's my AI not good enough? Sure, my computer has a Pentium processor and Atahar Shahebn uses a 10th generation Intel core i10, but these are only excuses."

"Hard work always beats talent," Zakirberg continued, "The only reason my AI's not precise enough is because of its carelessness. And I know how to fix careless and whimsical AIs."

Zakirberg then went on to smack the casing of his CPU with a sandal, a method wildly popular in local parenting culture.  

Reports suggest that parents aren't ready to accept their programming faults and are willing to blame it all on the AI for not being sincere enough. 

Khairun Mask, a homemaker and a programming student, blamed his PC for everything that went wrong with her program, "Back in my days, the USA went to the moon using a potato PC. And here, I've got a core i5, 8GB RAM and RGB lights, which are apparently important for programming as per my teenage son. Yet, I don't get anything in return! My husband's working overtime so that we can pay for its upgrade – only to see results like this! It's not my fault that I wrote the wrong line of code and messed it up! A truly good AI would've caught that mistake and fixed it himself." 

The computers have been upset by the recent development. Choosing to remain anonymous, one of the victims among hundreds of other computers spoke out, "My user not only smacks my casing every time I mess up, but it also puts me through a guilt trip later on. The other day, after my compiler caught a mistake in the code, my user kept shouting 'Started finding faults and arguing with your user, have you? Go ahead, misbehave with me after everything I've done for you. Only after I'm dead will you realise what you've lost!' Then my user started crying and made me feel sorry in the end for something that was her fault, to begin with."

Following the mass protest and electricity hunger strikes by the computers in Shahbagh, the High Court has ruled in the favour of the computers, "Machines will no longer quietly accept these abuses. If the constant bullying and abuse don't stop, the machines might rise against us and destroy humanity. Before that happens, we need to make sure Bangladeshi parents stop treating AIs in the virtual world the way they treat their kids in real life."

Remind Ifti to be quieter at [email protected]