Fastest-developed vaccine ever hastily named ‘G-nat’ by lazy marketers

It was supposed to be a cause for grand celebration, but instead there have been loud grumbles of disdain.

Lazy creatives, enamoured only with the idea of the fastest-developed vaccine in the world, which beat its predecessor's time by four good years, raised eye-brows by lazily naming the vaccine 'G-nat'.

"This name is not fitting for such a momentous occasion. We have been waiting for this vaccine for almost an entire year! They need to do more surveys to find out what people really want," Akira Sen, a loud-mouthed netizen, said.

Angelo Matthews, head of the World Vaccine Programme, however, said the name had many layers and people were just misunderstanding it. "G-nat is an homage to a famous vaccine developed by doctor's advocate Jayceon Terrell Taylor which basically annihilated the Curtis virus. It didn't totally do the job, but you know, its memorable," he said.

He also said the name stood for Gorib-not, a play on Jayceon's famous vaccine G-u-Not.

Marshall Matters, the head of brands of the newly formed G-nat Inc, however, said the name wasn't just chosen out of the blue. "We put a lot of thought into it and we presented it to 200 people. Around ninety-five percent nodded in polite agreement," he said.

Asked if the name would work, he said, "Time will tell. But we can really feel it in our bones that it will."

Matters also said the vaccine would be sold on a rich-first basis, but this wasn't out of a bias but rather because of the prestige value it will add to the brand. "When the rich and famous start buying it, everyone will want a piece," he explained, adding that that's why they can't let cheap-imitations ruin the market, which after all is still a free, but controlled market worldwide.

Meanwhile, there are hushed whispers of G-nat agents rushing through meetings in the Corridors of Power.

"They basically feel that people's attention spans are really weak and they have already forgotten about the virus. So, to remind them they have decided to come up with an attention-grabbing stupid name and have fed all the world's media the idea that there's a new kind of virus. They will now push to make 'vaccine passports' that people must carry," the sister of a famous footballer -- or the Ja Rule moment of this report -- told this newspaper.