You've been dormant on Instagram for a while now, and you need to come back with a BANG before your followers begin to doubt your Instagram abilities.

PLANNING

It begins two weeks before your mama's wedding when you're sitting there scrutinising the dress that looks prettier than your other dress in person, but you've learned it the hard way before that the other dress just wouldn't pop with the Skyline filter. Your mama wouldn't disown you for looking basic on his wedding day, but a good 97 random people of your 587 Instagram followers may. Get your priorities straight.

POSING

Arrives the big day, when it's time for you to bring all your photo fantasies to reality. Strike those poses you've been practicing in your head for weeks. Take pictures in front of your mirror, in your living room, on the other end of your living room, in the bathroom at an angle that doesn't make it look like a bathroom, on the stairs, in the car, outside the venue, inside the venue, with anyone who looks worse than you do. No number of pictures is too many pictures. You'll later end up deleting half of them on the basis of your constipated-looking face and your mother's inability to click focused pictures. The cue for you to stop taking pictures is when your phone runs out of space. Then of course, you drain out your mom's phone.

PICKING

Get some tissue and a supportive friend because narrowing down pictures is the most emotionally demanding part of the entire process. There will be pictures that make you look too pudgy. Pictures where you look like you could be your mother's elder sister. Moments will arise when you wish you didn't have a unibrow or that you listened to your mom's ranting about taking it easy on the kacchi. While crying your eyes out, you'll end up coming down to 6 worthy pictures out of the 116 you've taken.

POLISHING

You've already cried about your shortcomings and you've cursed your cousin for looking prettier. Now you're a determined Instagrammer, ready to dominate the feed. With the right filter, people on Instagram may easily be deceived about your makeup skills. It's time to bring out the big guns – photo editing apps.

PERFECT WORDING

How do you sound funny without painting yourself as a joke? Is there a way to take the classic route without being totally clichéd? To what extent can you be self-deprecating without sounding like you have low self-esteem? How many emojis are too many?

POSTING (FINALLY)

You've made it to the big moment. Take a deep breath and press that "share" icon.

PFFT NO

*24 hours and (only) 97 likes later*

Delete.

Samin Sabah Islam believes there are very few problems in life, if any, that a good nap can't fix. If she isn't asleep, your queries may be answered at [email protected]