Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am in my late twenties and am in a fix. I have met two very nice women. One I met online - she is pretty, smart but a few years older than me. The other one is a friend of a cousin. The thing is that somehow I have ended up communicating with both of them. They have both said they are in love with me. I never said 'I love you' to either of them although I have to admit that I have been flirting with both. At first it was all fun and light hearted but now things are getting very uncomfortable. I think I am in love with both and have no idea what to do. When I talk to one I feel guilty about the other. With the online person I have deep conversations and with the other we laugh a lot. I have met both and find both very attractive. Do you think I'm a shallow person? Or do you think I have some mental disorder? Please help.

Double Trouble
I don't know about being shallow but you certainly don't have mental disorder. It is not very unusual to suffer from such confusion at your age. It all depends on how serious and how far you want to take these relationships. You can continue with some harmless flirtation and then discover that when it comes to long term commitment perhaps both of them are not your kind. The most important factor is not to in anyway give them the impression that you are serious or you are leading them on. You have to be completely honest about it and admit that you are confused and cannot make up your mind. I believe time will tell which of the two you will choose might be neither or might be that both of them will reject you!

Dear Mita,
I am 28 years old and am about to get married to someone who lives in the US. It is an arranged marriage although I have spoken to my future groom over the phone and also chatted with him on facebook. I am not naive and I know it will not be easy but I am willing to adjust to my new life there. There is just one problem. Recently while I was looking through some of his photos posted on facebook I noticed that there were pictures of him with a foreign woman. They seemed very familiar with each other. When I asked about her he said she was just a friend but somehow I don't believe it. I am now having second thoughts. What if he is some kind of Casanova and has a girlfriend or something. I am from a very conservative family and I have never even had a proper relationship. What should I do?
Scared

Dear Scared,
You have every right to ask such questions and your doubt might be well founded. There are many instances where such long distance arranged marriages have ended in disaster. I don't want to scare you further but this certainly merits more investigation. Please request someone you know to find out about his friends, job, acquaintances etc. An arranged marriage does not mean you will go into it blindfolded. Unless you feel perfectly comfortable you should not agree to the liaison. Postpone the wedding if possible but be sure, I am sure you parents will not force you into something with doubts in your mind.  

Dear Mita,
I am 16 years old and going to a prestigious English Medium School. My grades are fairly good although they could be better. My problem is that I can't concentrate on my studies as I feel very lonely and unwanted. I am a bit on the chubby side and boys have not shown any interest in me. I know that should not be the only thing on my mind but I can't help it especially when I see boys constantantly paying attention to one of my very close friends who is skinny and pretty. I get really depressed sometimes and that makes me eat even more. I want to get out of this horrible rut. Please advise.
Teen in Trouble

Dear Teen,
All the more reason you should excel in your studies and show everyone that you are not only chubby,  you are also smart which is much more important. Having said that, losing weight is not such a big deal. You can do it with some will power.  Go on a good diet and exercise regime, it will make you feel better and will prove to your self that you can take control of your life. Regarding attention from boys, believe me, it will come, just study hard and build up your self confidence.