JAY HO
WHY did the chicken cross the road? To prove that it's no chicken but rather, a full blooded Bangladeshi. After all, Bangladesh is perhaps among the very few countries in the world where one has to get special combat training to cross the streets.
With a mixed bag of buses, trucks, cars, baby taxis (CNGs), rickshaws, pull carts, push carts, cows (leaving Hansel and Gretel trails), why should pedestrians be left out? And so, we have the jaywalkers' paradise.
The jaywalker in Dhaka is surely on Johnnie Walker as he not only jaywalks, but also text messages while doing so. And so, crossing the street is a gamble, literally, with the pedestrian furiously motioning his stretched out hand (the one not texting) up and down like the lever of a Las Vegas slot machine.
To oncoming traffic, it is not the jaywalker, but the VACILLATING jaywalker, who poses the greatest hazard. He is a 'J' walker, walking in the shape of this letter -- walks straight, has a second thought, turns around, runs back and completely throws off oncoming traffic.
The government spends millions on traffic lights and pedestrian signs. Since we always complain about taxes, one would think that we would at least obey them. But here's the deal. The alternative to jaywalking is walking on the sidewalk (footpath) -- broken and uneven, unless already occupied by vendors, which is no joy walking either. And the sidewalk gets thinner and thinner with footpath grabbing, thus becoming a case of a clogged artery and an eventual cardiac arrest. The remedy? Stenting, aka, bull dozing the shops. Since this doesn't happen so often, the alternative is a bypass, aka, the pedestrian stepping on to the road, which now results in a legal arrest -- move directly to jail, do not pass 'go', do not collect 200. Oh, the state coffers actually collect the 200 as fine. Now, this happens only when the mobile courts are around. When the cat is gone, the mouse comes out to play. After all, it's only illegal if you get caught.
A well intended start. Gives me hope. Soon, crackdown on the jay-rider riding his motorbike on the side walk, the jay-driver parking his car while blocking the sidewalk, the jay-landlord dumping his construction material on the street in front of his house and not letting anyone park there once the construction is finally over, the jay-mission putting up self demarcated, drum/chain implemented 'parking for embassy staff only' signs on public streets (not to mention the blocking off of whole streets), the jay-tenant on a lease-to-own plan by way of the renter's court, the jay-student living in a dorm despite not being a student, the jay-restaurant built smack in the middle of a residential area, the jay-VIP-car driving on the wrong side of the road, the jay-gold-god-son roaming freely inside the airport, the jay-association building an unauthorised high rise on unauthorised land, the jay-club taking over a playing field, the jay-visitor overstaying his visa (and sometimes preying on little boys), the jay-'expert' working or giving 'expert' ideas while on a tourist visa, the jay-fundraiser earning a fast buck with 'threat' calls, the jay-sprinkler relieving himself just about everywhere, the jay-paan-eater wiping his finger on the lamp post, the jay-spitter attempting to wash the streets, the jay-city-authority dumping trash right in front of your house….
One step at a time. Gotta walk before we run. It was running, i.e., running a red light that is an offense. Now, it's walking, jaywalking, that is punishable. Seems like I can get away if I gawk, block, mock or stalk, but jaywalk? Not anymore. And not a moment too soon.
So, use the cross walk, don't jaywalk. It's not worth jail time. And if you do win a six month, all expenses paid stay at Dhaka Central Jail, do put up a poster on your cell wall: “There is a difference between jaywalking and hijacking.”
The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: [email protected]
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