University promises permanent campus in 2 years for 10 years in a row
After the VC of Private University Pvt. Ltd. promised a new campus in his speech last week, the cheer from the crowd was less intense than expected as students are reportedly tired of hearing the same thing for the 10th year in a row. Some are even comparing the VC to politicians in Bangladesh owing to the number of false promises he's made in the past ten years.
The students of Private University Pvt. Ltd. have been demanding a permanent campus for years now on account of the ridicule they have to face from other universities. "Starting from the authority's intense hunger for money to being overcrowded by English Medium students, we've got everything a typical Bangladeshi private university needs. Everything except for a proper campus that isn't a poorly ventilated building," said Shadman Sakib, a student of Private University Pvt. Ltd. "But the lack of a permanent campus has made us a joke. We lose every rap battle with Bidirectional University because they've got the 'permanent campus' card with them."
"You can't just put thousands of us in a rented out dimly lit building and call it a university," Shadman cried out loud as every other private university in the capital gasped in shock at his rant, "Sure, we might be shamed as poultry farm chickens by our batchmates from other universities but that doesn't mean you put us in an actual poultry farm! When we aren't busy gasping for air or getting bullied on the internet, we have to wander around the streets of Dhaka like homeless people. We look so homeless in the streets during our off-period that the classist snobs won't let us in their expensive cafes."
"Naturally, we all got super excited when our VC announced the construction of a brand-new permanent campus," continued Shadman, "We've heard all sorts of myths regarding the new campus. They're saying that it's going to have proper air circulation, and sunlight and believe it or not, it's apparently going to have actual open spaces where the sky is visible! It's something no Private University Pvt. Ltd. alumnus has ever seen before. We were hopeful at first but after so many years, we've given up on our dreams. Not just Padma Bridge or the metro rail, even the road outside my house is finally complete! When the City Corporation beats you to the completion of a construction, you should realise that you're doing something wrong."
However, Dr Jordan Jailfort, the VC of Private University Pvt. Ltd., remains hopeful, "We've been able to lure more students into paying us ridiculous sums of money in exchange for certificates than ever by enticing them with the promise of a permanent campus. Once the project is complete, we'll have nothing else to entice them with! Our permanent campus is like the pursuit of happiness in life. The journey itself is the reward, not the destination."
Meanwhile, the Guineas Book of World Records is reportedly going to award the university with a "Stalling students for longest period of time" certificate. The previous record was held by the boys' hostel at Shahbagh University as they took 9 years to fix a broken sink.
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