Interviewer: Hi Anika. Thank you for interviewing for the position today. Are you nervous?
Anika: Confidence is the best outfit a girl can wear. And a smile is the best makeup a girl can wear. Never leave the house without a smile.
Interviewer: Okay. So tell us a little bit about yourself.
Anika: I’m a nightmare dressed as a daydream. I’m not bossy, I am the queen.
Interviewer: Alright then. So what previous work experience do you have?
Anika: I worked as daddy’s princess. After that at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.
Interviewer: I’m going to be honest. You showed up very late to your interview today.
Anika: They say good things take time that’s why I’m always late. Always late but worth the wait. If they can’t wait for you then they don’t deserve you. Some things are truly timeless.
Interviewer: Anika your background is in marketing. But the job you applied for is for civil engineers. Don’t you think it’s a bit out of your league?
Anika: If you can dream it, you can do it. I want to dream it, do it, click it, upload it then repeat it.
Interviewer: I mean even if we train you, it’ll take considerable time on the job to get there.
Anika: If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.
Interviewer: Anika, the CV you sent is very short, it’s basically 5 lines. We also specifically said no handwritten CVs, only typed ones.
Anika: Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures. Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
Interviewer: Okay some quick questions now. If you are hired and face a difficult situation at work, what do you do?
Anika: When in doubt, wear red lipstick.
Interviewer: What qualities of yours do you think will help your colleagues get along with you?
Anika: They couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Interviewer: Would you describe yourself as an active team member?
Anika: I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.
Interviewer: What do you think is a unique quality about yourself?
Anika: I’m a girl and I don’t like pink. Yes we exist. Black is the colour of my soul.
Interviewer: Why do you think you will be a valuable addition to this company?
Anika: This place is lacking some vitamin ‘me’. I’m not perfect but I am limited edition.
Interviewer: Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Anika: I’ve got 99 problems but a hobby isn’t one.
Interviewer: We spoke to your previous employer and I’m afraid he didn’t have great things to say about you.
Anika: Not everyone likes me but not everyone matters.
Interviewer: Last question, may I ask why you left your previous job?
Anika: If you don’t like where you are, you move. You are not a tree.
Interviewer: Okay I think that’s all we need to know right now. Anything else you want to add?
Anika: I’m a warrior not a worrier.
Interviewer: Well that’s excellent. We’ll be in touch.
Mrittika Anan Rahman is a daydreamer trying hard not to run into things while walking. Find her at firstname.lastname@example.org