Jewellery for the soul | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, March 14, 2019 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, March 14, 2019

Jewellery for the soul

Politicians like Angela Merkel and Hillary Clinton use jewellery to project a certain image, many brides in South Asian countries wear, or are made to wear, huge chunks of jewellery on their wedding day (perhaps to keep their attention on the physical weight and distract them from thinking about the immense responsibilities and power imbalance that will be prevalent in their lives from this day forward) and goons and villains in Bangla cinemas wear them all the time cause that is what all goons and villains wear apparently. But did you know that there is jewellery for your soul? The many precious stones, designs, and jewellers creating jewellery ensure that nearly everyone can have jewellery just right for them. Below I will provide just a few suggestions for people trying to lighten up their dark souls with pizzazz and bling. 

The first metal I will be talking about is titanium. Named after the Titans and the title of a Sia song, Titanium is a strong and popular metal adorning the fingers of many blissfully or very unhappily married people. Scratch-resistant, corrosion-resistant, and not something that causes allergies, titanium is not at all suitable for those in the habit of creating needless friction in pleasant social sittings by bringing up that one time a person sitting at the same table "chose" to ignore them at an event. Even if the event was their sister's wedding and they really were quite busy at that time.

Titanium is, however, wholly appropriate for human chameleons. This is because the application of heat or electricity can transform the silvery metal into a metal that has the colours of the rainbow. This change is very much like how some people change their views at the slightest hint of opposition or difference in opinion. Unlike the people mentioned before, these people seek to please their company, turning into the shade that would get them praises or make them likeable to the person whose favours they will pursue in the future.

There are of course many other options besides titanium. If you are the type of person who has difficulty facing reality like the many contestants who go on reality shows, I think I know something you might like. Similar to how contestants in these shows need a talent but are horrible at what they claim is their passion and can't accept it, you find it very taxing to accept that many people you secretly know, and admit are smarter or more hardworking than you, don't think you're "woke" despite the oft regurgitated rants you post on your social media accounts about the injustices in society and horrible people who've already been vilified again and again by actual intellectuals and self-proclaimed intellectuals alike. What you want to go for is a large bejewelled VR headset shaped glasses that fall over your eyes and rests snugly on your nose. This piece of jewellery has to be made of rubies because only they will give you the rose-tinted view you so desire. A genuine concern might be that wearing such a piece of jewellery might cause you to fall into ditches or crash into walls but what good is a life without risking some minor, and a few major, accidents.

If you thought the VR-headset-shaped jewellery was odd, wait till you've heard of my next one. Imagine a ribcage made of silver with a huge chunk of unpolished emerald that you can clasp on your torso. This jewellery will do wonders in representing the insides of those who worry about the test that accounts for a mere 5% of overall grades but they've spent three months studying for. The colours too are symbolic, and no they are not the colours of Slytherin. The silver must be worn from the kind of excessive sweating that is common in exam halls. Basically, this jewellery is special because it becomes you as you wear it. What about the large chunk of unhoned emerald at the centre of your chest? Well, it certainly doesn't represent envy because nobody wants to feel as worried as you before events everyone knows will be irrelevant in a year or two. The jewel at the centre needs to be emerald to serve as a warning to others that your intense and incessant worrying is contagious, and is so powerful that it has the ability to make the most confident person feel sick and nervous. And the rib cage shape? It's just to show others that the reason you lose perspective of the bigger picture and worry about trivial things is because you're a captive in your own mind, unable to realise how insignificant certain things will be in the future.

Of course, I must let you know that the above suggestions will never permanently solve serious problems like worthlessness, loneliness, meaninglessness, etc. To lighten things up, I could go ahead and say that diamonds (and other jewels) are a girl's best friend but even someone with ruby glasses on would never deny that it is a very sad thing to have inanimate stones as best friends.

 

Matilda likes to pretend she is invisible and inconspicuous. Tell her that you can read right through her at matilda.tilda1234@gmail.com

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