THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE

Aries

Can we have a no shoe zone in Dhaka City? Please? 

Taurus

I like standing around and watching you struggle with life.  

Gemini

Care to share some of your thoughts on goats flying in the sky? 

Cancer

The hawks are out to get you.  

Leo

I will not recommend getting that ultra-widescreen monitor. 

Virgo

Play Resident Evil VII with a VR headset. You know you want to. 

Libra

Howbow you don' cash me ousside? 

Scorpio

Keep an eye out for that shiny potato in the supermarket. 

Sagittarius

Check if your mom has already left you 27 missed calls when you step out of the house. 

Capricorn

After you've channelled your energy, don't swim in the sand. 

Aquarius

Don't check yourself out in the elevator today. You'll look fat. 

Pisces

Things might JUST improve for you today.