Soap Opera

Copies of the book Fire and Fury by author Michael Wolff are displayed on a shelf at Book Passage in Corte Madera, California. The controversial new book contains details about the inner workings of the Trump administration. PHOTO: AFP

In America, they put soap in the mouth of a kid when he uses swear words. The cussing has happened, he is a kid and the soap is out. But here's the catch: His daily dose of medicines include Propecia that prevents male pattern hair loss and it's not that he has just come out of being a fetus, but has blossomed like a lotus in what he himself calls a "swamp", into being a full bloomed POTUS, to the chagrin of the FLOTUS (according to the recent bestseller, Fire and Fury). Thus, when he refers to some African countries as, well, a word that is not print-worthy, but is surely presidential, the Lifebuoy remains unused and lets the former playboy be just a boy who can be a boy. So, he gets no soap as he chants away in cacophony in his very own opera.

But in defence of President Donald Trump, one may argue that he acts in full adherence to the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights, albeit in his own street-savvy way as he perhaps recalls the saying: "The US Constitution is in English, the Bill of Rights is in English. If you don't want to speak English, please feel free to return to that [email protected]#$%^&*~ of a country you left behind." Again, to be fair, Donald Trump may not be the first leader in America to refer to the countries of origin of some immigrants and would-be immigrants in such an illustrious way. The same may have been told to the ancestors of Donald Trump by Chief Apache in the THEN native language: "…if you don't want to speak my language, please feel free to return to that [email protected]#$%^&*~ of a country you left behind. And please, take your guns and diseases back with you."

And perhaps he thought it was not inappropriate to compare those African countries with that specific part of the human anatomy where the sun doesn't shine. After all, THAT place (Africa) is where America gets a lot of its "gas"…

President Trump isn't saying that the doors to the Land of the Free get closed. He adds that immigrants from countries like Norway should come to the US. Hmm. Let's see if there's a pattern here that suggests we apply a lot more Fair and Lovely…

So, here's a president who continues nonchalantly with his golf when appraised of a ballistic missile strike in Hawaii. Here's a president who believes that other than Twitter feeds, the best defence against a missile attack is a golf ball. Here's a president who has made it through his first year in flying (orange) colours and is likely to make it through the next and the next and the next and the following four, judging from George W Bush getting elected a second time (somehow I miss him…). Though there is the rumble that Oprah Winfrey may join the 2020 presidential race under the Democratic ticket, which, in that case, will see an election being fought not with votes, but with TRP, not to mention, see one billionaire after the job of another.

But if he loses, he fears if his fate will be that of former President Barack Obama who was called in for jury duty at USD 17.25 per day. Relax President Trump, your retirement earnings will be just fine—America poorly pays the juror, but richly pays the joker.

But one year is enough to bring out the bestseller Fire and Fury based on Trump, I mean, the REAL Trump. Wonder if that has to do with the recent fire breaking out at the Trump Tower in New York City—after reading Fire and Fury, Trump is in fury that ignites a little fire…

Sigh! Oh, on your birthday, I SO miss you, Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Like every year on the third Monday of January, America and the believers of equality observe your birthday. I wonder how Donald Trump would've greeted you on your birthday if you were here. Regardless, he probably is all smiles on this auspicious day—after all, Alabama and Mississippi, on this same third Monday in January, commemorate the Robert E Lee Day…


Naveed Mahbub is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and ABC Radio's Good Morning Bangladesh, and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

Email: [email protected]


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