When Harry Met Salary

When Harry met Meghan, two things were set in motion.

First, it was karma. The British royalty, after ruling Africa and America for centuries, finally got the taste of being ruled by Africa and America.

Second, it was déjà vu. Harry had fallen in love with an American just as did His Royal Highness. Harry's love was a divorcee, just as was that of His Royal Highness. Her former husband is alive just as was that of the love of His Royal Highness. The only difference, His Royal Highness was governed by the Church of England and the government itself while Harry was and still is governed by the tabloids, which have been merciless to his love from day one.

Harry is lucky that he is not in the same predicament as His Royal Highness, King Edward VIII, who, as a sitting king, had to abdicate the throne in order to follow his heart. Well, so as also not to create a conflict from being the titular head of the Church of England, which, at that time, disapproved the re-marriage of a divorcee while her ex was still alive, and in this case, there were two ex's alive and kicking. Ok, even that wasn't all. His Highness had to contend with the disapproval of the courtship by the then Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin and his government. Harry is lucky again as when he tied the knot with Meghan on May 19, 2018, it was Theresa May who was the PM who herself was screaming "Mayday, Mayday!" about her own self whether she may or may not remain in power and whether Britain may or may not be with the European Union, hence the last thing she or her government, or for that matter, the British public may have cared about, was the royal inclusion of Meghan in May, 2018.

So, one goes through abdication to avoid a constitutional crisis, while the other goes through an abdication "lite" to avoid a convolutional crisis.

The Queen is mighty mad. Perhaps she had wished the Church of England still yielded the same powers today and that Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his government had less worries in hand to take on more "important" worries such as the royal soap opera. In that case, she could have just given Harry a royal spanking on his (still) royal behind and let the institutions take care of business.

It was so right in the good old days. Just look at it, it was so simple—Edward VIII abdicated, which made his younger brother, an unlikely candidate for the job, to become the King and hence become George VI, which paved the way for his daughter Elizabeth, a royal nobody, to becoming the heir presumptive to becoming the heir apparent and in 1952, to starring in her own coronation, aired on worldwide TV. Uhm, yes indeed, the good old days did have the good old laws.

So, while outwardly, she is annoyed, inwardly, she probably doesn't have much to complain about and lets the grandson join the millions of Bangladeshis in the exodus to Canada. On the brighter side, there are now two less cast members in the Game of Thrones.

In their brand new life, Meghan gets a daytime job in the movie industry while Harry prepares to act in the real life sequel, When Harry Met Salary.

And little Archie? Oblivious to all the drama, he will one day grow up to perhaps going to a public high school by the name of Riverdale High, driving, at best, a "Jalopy" and with the rage of a revolting teenager, call his dad a Jughead for depriving him of being the richest and coolest kid in the richest and coolest private boarding school in the richest and coolest part of Britain. His only solace would be to call up Uncle Elian Gonzalez. Just to help the readers to not having to Google, this is THE famous Elian Gonzalez, who, as a little kid in 1993, was caught between his father in Havana, Cuba and his paternal family in Miami, Florida, with the end result being that his dad won custody and took him back to Havana. Thus, even when Archie comes to age and calls up his Uncle Elias Gonzales for consolation from what he has missed out on, Elias would still be going through his annual ritual of slamming shut his TV in Havana when seeing Spring Break Miami—Girls Go Wild!

The collective slogan of Archie and Elias. "Yeah, thanks dad!"

Meanwhile, as the dust settles down with Harry, Meghan and Archie settling down in Canada, I wonder where nuptial Americans now stand in the eyes of the British Royals, with not one, but two instances of "I came, I saw, I bowed out."


Naveed Mahbub is a former engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA, the former CEO of IBM & Nokia Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ATN Bangla's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: [email protected]


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