Crying Over Spilt….

THE ancient boat discovered in Kuakata is left unscathed. Lucky, considering that it is a recreational sport for us to beat to death any strange being coming out of the waters.

So don't fret. Operation Fingers Crossed is powered by Taka 200,000 and 200 fishermen to scoop, soak, squeeze, sponge, store and then sell a third of a million liters of excrements from the Southern Star 7 spread over a square mile area in triple digits. The money is sufficient as it will soon be easier to get the water out of the oil.

Is this a case of nonchalance of the powers-that-be towards the mango population that is now being directed towards the mangrove population? Quite the contrary. The concerned Minister assures us that the impact on the environment will be minimal. He is right. After all, he lives in Dhaka. The spill will not hurt the dolphins. Correct again -- it will in fact increase the dolphin population through increased underwater mating with all that lubrication floating around. That's not all. Now, the Royal Bengal Tiger can remain safe from the poacher by running across the Shela River, Chevron can inexpensively use ducks, crocodiles and dolphins to catch oil (they can also drill for water), we can run cars with water (that is, water from the Shela), the Sundarbans can be labeled as UNESCO'S oil rich region, the Shela will now look (and smell) like the Buriganga with both boasting fish with lead, the Sundarbans can now be under BAPEX as opposed to the cash/resource strapped Forest Department while Bangladesh applies for OPEC membership, we now have a statement against non-secularism by showing that differing elements (furnace oil and bio-diversity) can co-exist and finally, this incident is a brownie point for Rampal that the coal powered plant will not destroy the Sundarbans because after the oil spill, there won't to be anything left to destroy.

So, throw away the net as the shrimp will float right to you. One regret, there is no tuna in the Shela, otherwise, we could inexpensively export canned tuna in oil.

The world has surprisingly remained as indifferent (oh, except for 'expert foreign' opinions downplaying the concerns of the tree huggers), while we, despite our meager resources, have not hesitated to lend a helping hand to Maldives by deploying BNS Samudro Joy. Oh wait, certain quarters in the US may have taken note of this great hunting trip (that has put more oil on birds than Kentucky Fried Chicken) by none other than the great hunter himself, Dick Cheney, who may be antsy to lobby for sending troops to the now oil rich Sundarbans…

Sure we had four years to avoid this catastrophe. But don't forget our motto: “If it ain't broke, don't fix it.” So, for us, there is nothing better to inspire than a disaster. As we form a committee to form a committee to assess the far reaching impacts (who really cares if it's beyond the next elections), the BIWTA is revving up its dredging vessels to head towards Ghasiakhali. Funding? No problem. If anything is needed beyond the already allocated $ 10 million for the dredging, we can raise the price of furnace oil, the cost of which will not be in Taka, but in bio-diverse life forms.

Meanwhile, sit back and relax. Look how long it's taking to clean up the piled trash in front of your house. And we're now talking about the vast Sundarbans and the Dead Sea, er, Shela… While you chill, fix a lemonade for the big boss. Then again, he might spill it and make the fishermen clean it up…

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: [email protected]