Man forgets own wedding anniversary, but remembers to wish Messi on his birthday

In the world as we know it, parasocial relationships are often easier to sustain than actual interpersonal ones, especially when you have some form of sports involved in getting the ball rolling. It's widely known that nearly every South Asian child decides to hyper-fixate on one of two sports at a very young age, and everything in their life takes a backseat to it.

Akik Chowdhury is no exception to the rule, and he really doesn't believe that football takes up any more space in his life than any other fan's. His wife, however, is inclined to disagree after the entire day of their third wedding anniversary passed without so much as a proclamation of love, let alone flowers. Yet, Lionel Messi had received a poetically composed paragraph on Facebook the moment the clock struck twelve (in Messi's timezone, at that).

"Am I disappointed? Yes," says Sanjida, Akik's wife, upon being asked how she felt regarding the situation. "But am I surprised? No, not really. He spent more on sweets when Argentina won the World Cup than he did at our wedding. And this is just an anniversary."

According to Sanijda, real life tends to take a backseat for Akik when football gets involved, to the point where he overspends on jerseys every season, forcing her to cut down on buying essential groceries. Clearly, he's far too concerned about the wrong kind of home kit.

"I really thought he'd mellow out once our daughter was born, but that didn't happen. When she began speaking at a very early age, Akik just rolled his eyes and told me that Lamine Yamal was only 17 when he scored a goal against Real Madrid. I wish she could grow up being compared to realistic examples, like my friend's children."

Not only does Akik use social media to wish his favourite footballers happy birthday, but he also spends much of his time online posting passive-aggressive statuses about the fans of rival teams, and often the players. This has given rise to much tension within the extended family, namely between Akik and Sanjida's brother Rafid. 

Upon hearing of the recent strife between the couple, Rafid opines, "See, this is why I warned her about marrying a Barcelona supporter. She should've married the guy she dated before Akik. Sure, he's unemployed and ill-mannered, but he's a Manchester United fan, so you know he'd at least be loyal no matter what."

When asked to chime in, Akik, the protagonist of this unfortunate tragedy, launches into a diatribe of his own. "I am aware Rafid would rather Sanjida marry a broke loser over me. He danced harder when Barcelona lost to Inter Milan than at our holud. Real Madrid won 15 UEFA Champions League titles and that's the only argument their fans have for everything. This is like running into a Dhaka University (DU) graduate in the wild who still tells you 'age chance peye dekhan' at every point because the highlight of his life was getting into DU." 

Regarding the situation with his anniversary, he says, "Besides, wedding anniversaries come and go, but not Lionel Messi. I couldn't let my GOAT's birthday go uncelebrated."

Of course, if his streak of forgetfulness continues, we cannot guarantee the truthfulness of his statements about the continuity of anniversaries. Sanjida ultimately comes to her husband's defence, however. 

"If I am being honest, his fanaticism about football is often reassuring. I have seen my friends get cheated on left and right, so if he is filling up his spare time looking at 22 men on television instead of other women, I'll take it as a win."

We end the interview doing what Akik still had not – wishing Sanjida a happy anniversary.

Zabin Tazrin Nashita is an engineering student at the Islamic University of Technology, a chronically online night owl, and a sufferer of many migraines. Find her at [email protected]