Food Rules: The UFSP and Art of the Buffet

In life, there exist a few age-old and unspoken rules that man must uphold in order to maintain his position as the most civilized race of living beings. First dibs, Shotgun, The rule of Ice-cream Licking, etc. We at RS, in our ongoing endeavor at helping you folks keep your integrity intact, explain two: Fries and Buffets.

First is The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy. In our hearts, we all know this one. Not a day goes by when we don't consciously or unconsciously abide by the rules of the golden sticks of potato. Simply put, the UFSP states that “if you are eating a meal with someone who ordered fries, and you didn't order fries but still want fries, you are entitled to grab one of their fries and eat it just as soon as the plate lands on the table as long as a) you ask first, b) you raise your eyebrows and make eye contact with them until they nod, or c) you just know them really well.”

If you have done so, you are also entitled to continue having their fries without having to ask every time. However, since you are unrightfully getting priority over them, you are required to consciously avoid the visibly amazing fries in the pile. So the really long, salty slender fries sticking out of the box is strictly off- limits, but you are free to have the short, fat, overly-salted limp ones. It is also very important that you not touch those tiny piles of only about six fries that come free with some dishes. The UFSP isn't powerful enough to cover those. Wedges and baked-potato fries also count.

But not to worry, the UFSP also states that if somebody who ordered fries finishes their meal without finishing their fries, first dibs go to people who didn't get fries. And second to those fatties who already just finished their own stack, but still want more.

Don't be shy, it's only legal.
Now we come to buffets.  Only a few people in this world are aware of the rules surrounding this intricate art of gluttony. Buffets look simple, but are anything but. Follow these rules and you'll be packing up some high value meals in no time.

Rule#1: No committing before you complete a lap of the food area. Taking a plate and immediately piling up on every dish that comes next is simply unacceptable. Next thing you know, you're at the end of the line, trying to balance a piece of very expensive steak on top of a mountain of salad.

Rule#2: Indulge on the expensive stuff. You pay the same price for having Paurooti as you do for a red hot lobster. So have another leg of lamb, some donkey cheese. Don't cheap out. This is connected to The Rule of Carbs. The innocent looking staples that we can have every day at home only occupy valuable real estate in your stomach. Replace the rice, bread, pasta and potato with some fish and meat.

Rule#3: Don't be that guy. Stop over committing. You can always go back and get more. So no matter how beautiful a dish looks, don't over-do to it. Start small and go back for the deserving lovelies.

Rule#4: You must step out of your comfort zone. Just because you're used to chicken and beef doesn't mean the snails and frog legs should go untouched. Buffets let you try all kinds of new food, so don't go down playing too safe.

Rule#5: Slow or fast, but not both. If you can invest long hours at the restaurant, take your time. Eat slowly. And by the time you go back for thirds, your first dishes will be digested and out of the way. You can run a brilliant cycle of consumption, digestion and excretion. If you don't have the time, go super fast. Gulp down on that food. It's the only way you can over-consume.

Rule#6: Don't ignore the desserts. When people find a great dessert, they get selfish and ruthless. Thus the important desserts will have disappeared by the time you're at the end of your marathon. So make sure to check them out by your second plate. Also, don't eat pudding. You get those everywhere and they always taste the same.

Rule#7: No one likes a waster.

Source: 1000awesomethings, Wisegeek.