Signs for everyone

VAST numbers of readers wrote in to share their favourite Asian signpost. Clearly most of us go travelling around Asia not to visit beaches and historic monuments, but to snap pictures of signs which say: "Please Do Not Take Explosives into this Toilet."
Some of the signs sent in were rather worrying, such as the hotel in Vietnam which told guests: "No sex or fighting." What about married couples? Isn't this what we do? Isn't this what marriage is all about?
Several readers made the point that some signs that look like spelling mistakes are deliberate. They are "tongue-in-cheek, making use of and subverting the idea that we're poor at English," said a reader named Sharanya. "The 'Broken English Spoken Perfectly Here' is quite a giveaway."
Reader Steve Dore was also suspicious of that sign. He said: "Surely it should have said, 'Broken English Speaked Good Here'?"
Meanwhile, reader Gerry Marques saw a sign in Hong Kong which said: "Be alert to pickpockets. Do not leave your personal belongings unattended." He said: "There was nothing odd about the sign, except for its location: at the entrance to Rosary Church."
In the same city, reader Fred Gray noticed the trams all had signs saying: "Do not lean out of window." He said: "I would love to see this changed to 'Man who lean out of tram window need head examined.' "
Another sign that caught Fred's eye was a "Mind Your Head" sign positioned three metres, or nine feet, above the ground. Since the world's tallest man is about 2.5 meters, the sign seemed a bit unnecessary.
Actually, Hong Kong has many useless signs. I recall one that used to hang near a motorway, saying: "Drivers who collide with this pylon should beware."
Some Asian signs are wonderfully thought-provoking. The slogan for Chellerams, an Indian shop is, "All Require Men, is Under One Roof."
Going back to our point that Asian English is more memorable than traditional English, reader Nonie Eu sent in a photograph of a sign from China, which said: "Offer Seats to the Old, Weak, Sick, Crippled and Gravid."
Who's Gravid? No, not some fellow with weak knees. It's an old word for "pregnant," and when I say old, I mean it would have been archaic in any newspaper printed since the late Jurassic period.
Nonie (who is a Chinese TV presenter) also sent in a photo of a rather poignant sign on a wall in China. It said: "Dying right here is strictly prohibited." Sadly, people in that condition don't have a lot of choice.
Reader Mei Hardwick sent in a photograph of a signpost stuck into the ground at a park in Beijing. It says: "No dabbling." It's not clear what you may be tempted to dabble in nor why you shouldn't. Perhaps it's just a general piece of philosophical advice, in which case I approve wholeheartedly.
Meanwhile, many thanks to several readers who sent in a photograph of a sign at the check-in desk of China Eastern Airlines: "Please check in animals and alcoholics."
So that's the bad news. Not only does my dog have to go in a cage in the luggage compartment, but so does my Uncle Joseph.
Actually, perhaps that's not such bad news after all. At least I'll be able to enjoy the flight.

Send your favourite sign to our columnist at www.vittachi.com