Whose Lift is it Anyway?

I hold the elevator door at the parking lot for a good three minutes as the well dressed lady takes her time to get out of her BMW. As she makes her majestic entrance into the elevator, there is no 'thank you'.
I have already pressed the button for my destination, the 2nd topmost floor. I ask her, “Which floor?” “The topmost one.” Indifference.
Having being deprived of two thank you's I had expected, I nevertheless complete my good deed of the day, “You're more than welcome.”
Then a house maid gets in. My lady friend orders her to get off, while pointing to the sign, “House staff not allowed to use the lift.” She obliges. The Beamer lady is lucky that the one disembarking isn't Rosa Parks…
Now, like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, let's transport the elevator to Dhaka Medical College Hospital (DMCH). We now have our own version of Grey's Anatomy with all the actions of Hawaii Five O while christening DMCH as St. Elsewhere. Oh! The name of the show? It's Whose Lift is it Anyway?.
The use of the elevator leads to a quarrel between interns and patients' attendants, that leads to Dhaka University (DU) students vandalizing DMCH, that leads to doctors getting beaten up in Chankharpul, that leads to gates getting locked, that leads to ambulances risking being coffins on wheels (as if they already are not, thanks to traffic and peoples' nonchalant disregard to make way for them).
Bill Clinton seizes the opportunity. He vindicates himself of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky claiming the encounter with the White House intern is nothing compared to that between patients' attendants and DMCH interns.
And the DU students vandalizing DMCH? That's being short sighted. What if there's a retaliation or a raid on them and they are injured? Guess where they would have to come for medical attention…
The disease is contagious. Rajshahi Medical College Hospital's standard medical history questionnaire adds another line: “Are you a journalist?” Sikder Women's Medical College Hospital doctor holds a journalist captive. Wonder if the doctor's name, literally, is Trapper John, MD.
Is it that like India and Pakistan, Abahani and Mohammedan, we see neo-arch enemies among medical interns and patients' attendants, doctors and journalists?
An assault on anyone, let alone on doctors, is unacceptable. The doctors feeling insecure is justified. But a strike? There is no generator or IPS for medical load shedding as the Hippocratic Oath turns into a Hypocritic Oath…
So, how do we ensure the safety of the doctors? Perhaps the requirement for an MBBS degree should include six months of self-defense training.
Let's face it. We are a proud people with inflated egos. The classic threat during an argument: “Do you know whose son I am?” (“No, but I'll ask your mom.”) So, let's live and let live -- whether we are patients, attendants of patients, doctors or journalists. Let us disagree without being disagreeable, assertive without being aggressive, verbal (at best) without being physical. At the end of the day, we are interdependent -- without doctors there is no healing, without journalists there is no reporting, without patients there is no health care industry, without patients' attendants there is no personal touch and without medical equipment spared of vandalism, we might as well stay home with an appendicitis and kiss our behinds good bye.
Let us ALL, not just the physicians, take the Hippocratic Oath.
Meanwhile, I'm at another hospital attending to my sick daughter. To the total stranger, I smile only to get a look of suspicion, I greet with a salaam only to get a silent, “Sorry, come back on Friday” and hold the door open without expecting a 'thank you'.
Oh, and I am STRICTLY using the stairs…

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: [email protected]