This article is not a work of fiction. This was written based on everything that Taylor Swift has graced us with in the past few years. Those with a weak heart and even a weaker sense of humor are advised to proceed with caution.

1)    Not being able to wear high heels: This is a legitimate concern for her. I'm not even kidding. “He didn't like it when I wore high heels, but I do.” Well, Miss Swift, did you consider actually telling him that? And when I say telling him – I don't mean through a song, but like how the rest of us lesser humans communicate, by talking. I doubt even your ex-man has reached your higher level of sentience, so I recommend actually talking and having conversations and such next time. I hear they convey messages better than song lyrics. But then again the songs will make you more loaded than you already are, while the talking would only – I don't know – solve these petty issues?!

2)    People being mean to her: Remember kids, if you tell Taylor Swift she can't sing – you are being mean. However alternately, if she tells you you're a liar, pathetic, lonely and lifeless– well you're still the one being mean.

3)    People calling her psycho because she likes to rhyme their names with things: I copied that line word to word from one of her songs, and I'm still trying to comprehend it myself. But again Taylor Swift isn't being mean; it's probably you who's being mean.

4)    Other women: “She wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts.” Has someone yet broken it to Taylor Swift that she just doesn't wear T-shirts, but she wears them with short skirts herself?

5)    Men: I don't think I need to explain this, but I'll go ahead and do it. It's not the issue that she's dated a lot of men and has written songs about them – that is none of my business. The issue is because of these songs I know who these men are, and how and when they hurt her with elaborate definitions and examples.

6)    Herself: I can actually understand this. But seriously, woman, buck up. You're as rich as the vigilante superheroes they create in comic books; it is okay not to get everything you want. “I know you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me now” – shame, indeed.

The H8rs: Like woah Taylor Swift, you're a multi millionaire country turned pop musician with millions of fans and people dare not like you? Also, here's a tip when you write a whole song about how much you don't care about haters – it inadvertently translates to show you care way too much about haters. People will hate you. Get over it. You might have millions of dollars to fan yourself with – but that won't mean anything if you're going to go crazy over the fact that not every single living, breathing organism will lick the dirt you walk upon. Ignore the hate, and appreciate.