Life, As Dictated by a Romantic Comedy | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, January 07, 2021 / LAST MODIFIED: 04:43 AM, January 07, 2021

Life, As Dictated by a Romantic Comedy

It's the beginning of a new day in Rom-Com Land, and a twenty-something-year-old woman has just woken up to a lovely morning, completely oblivious of how lucky she is to be waking up to such a view from her apartment window in an expensive city bustling with traffic.

She's absolutely miserable despite being exceptionally successful in her field of work, because she isn't in a romantic relationship. But despite her woes, Rom-Com Lady steps out every day in a very fashionable workday outfit and a pair of painful heels to conquer the world of fashion. Literally. It's either that or wedding planning. Or anything to do with writing really. God forbid if a Rom-Com Lady ever chooses to indulge in astrophysics.

Meanwhile, Rom-Com Guy wakes up to the unceremonious nagging of one of his regular houseguests, whom he proudly acknowledges as his "conquests", because nothing says "conventional" more than some casual sexism. Rom-Com Guy is regarded as an absolute player who wouldn't glance twice at "a girl like Rom-Com Lady" since he has a toxic reputation to protect. However, this is overlooked in favour of his "heart of gold" which is buried deep down in his soul. Suspend your disbelief, please.

Fun fact #1: Weekdays in Rom-Com Land always begin at 12 PM to provide people with ample time for a lengthy breakfast, self-care session, a pep talk about how they're better off without romance, and a brief encounter with each other which ends in a fight featuring plastic coffee cups.

Here's where we forget what Netflix's Sima Aunty had told us about compatibility.

The men and women in Rom-Com Land never get along through sweet-talking. The romance is built on a foundation of constant bickering and endless tiffs. But then comes the Rom-Com Lady's makeover moment, where she catches her potential love interest's eye by... not being herself. Extremely swoon-worthy (read: cringe-worthy).

Cue the romantic interlude which is considered by one or both parties to be a mistake. Not because the Rom-Com Guy has cemented his lack of morals by cheating on one of his "conquests", no. It's because they apparently hate each other, but also want to be together and now they're conflicted and spend most of their waking hours dwelling on the dilemma. It's the Carousel of Confusion, albeit an avoidable one.

Here's where we recall what Netflix's Sima Aunty had told us about her cuckoo theories of "stars being aligned".

The illogical concept seems to apply to the inhabitants of Rom-Com Land. Everything comes together at the end as the leads accept their feelings for each other (often at an airport, after abandoning their very important plans).

The end.

Fun fact #2: Romance in the real world hardly ever plays out like the ones in Rom-Com Land. It's important to not fret over that realization because conventional romantic comedies exist completely in fiction, unfolding in a ridiculously binary universe. When it comes to real love, it's important to not dive into a tumultuous romance where the mutual attraction is mostly physical and the relationship barely leaves room in your life for your work and passion. Take your time with finding "The One".

Okay? Okay.

The author has currently locked horns with her greatest foe: the microbial gut flora. Lend her a hand in battling the devious proteobacteria phyla at rasha.jameel@outlook.com

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