This Week's Horrorscope

ARIES

Sabre-toothed cats are no more, and we are safe.



TAURUS

My hurt, my sole, I'm sorry you had to go through this.



GEMINI

Or maybe all you need is mutton kebab.



CANCER

Kebabs come in different types, which one are you?



LEO

Eggs don't go well with kebab, despite various sources citing so.



VIRGO

Water is where life is birthed, but is it clean.



LIBRA

Eh, this kebab has been burned, but I will enjoy it nonetheless.



SCORPIO

Eviscerate the weaklings, who dare not devour kebab.



SAGITTARIUS

Da noob riding across Danube, hear me.



CAPRICORN

Never have I ever had kebab that tasted as good.



AQUARIUS

Oh well, some days are like this, no kebab and lots of work.



PISCES

What do you think about my new pet, cat?