THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
A little vitamin D never did any harm. A lot of vitamin D has killed. D stands for Death.

TAURUS
If you stare for too long at stars, you'll miss the opportunity to do other things in life.

GEMINI
The winds whisper your name. They say you're a punk. The winds are calling you out.

CENCER
You will fail to satisfy your girlfriend with your inadequate class test results.

LEO
Check your Privilege before you wreck your Privilege. Privilege is the name of a car in GTAV.

VIRGO
What are you doing with your life? That was rhetorical. I know EXACTLY what you're doing.

LIBRA
Michael J Fox shakes his head disapproving at the choice of music in your rave party.

SCORPIO
What beats brute force? "Paper", "Bulbasaur" and "mountain power" are all correct answers.

SAGITTARIUS
Technically, it is the polar bear liver that eats you. Things get freaking intense in the Arctic.

CAPRICON
Michael J Fox shakes his head erratically, perhaps epileptically, at your poor life decisions.

AQUARIUS
They still haven't found a name for what it is that you do, but don't let that deter you.

PISCES
When Mohammad Ali tells you to leave, you leave your job, your friends and your home.