THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
You will contract severe tetanus.

TAURUS
Your colour of power this week is rose madder.

GEMINI
A person shorter than you'd have thought advisable will positively impact your life.

CENCER
This week you will be tempted to Follow Virgin Radio Lebanon's Facebook page. A test of character.

LEO
Consider this: maybe the fifteen year-old Pinoy cussing at you in DotA did know your mother.

VIRGO
George R. R. Martin will die in your arms, and whisper one last thing to you before he passes.

LIBRA
Your week will be full of spiders.

SCORPIO
Well, you aren't going to have any fun at all.

SAGITTARIUS
You will have a fleeting moment of total intimacy with your crush, and never speak to them again.

CAPRICON
You will very slightly outgrow your underpants.

AQUARIUS
A family friend will wink at you very slowly at a lunch party.

PISCES
You will have trouble negotiating with a hair that's growing somewhere you can't reach.