THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
Movie idea: aliens invade Mexico ironically then get pwned by local cacti.

TAURUS
Time is running out. But it's a good thing you locked the doors, eh?

GEMINI
Your lucky day this week will be Tuesday. Go on then!

CENCER
Your lucky meme is the Kong with the funny face. Reference wisely.

LEO
Is Bill Cosby the Baby-King in Game of Thrones? I don't follow GoT.

VIRGO
What you're dealing with here is a lava fairy. An hero, pls.

LIBRA
You will make an addition mistake the next opportunity you get.

SCORPIO
Ms. Gnomer, your neighbour, is waiting for you in your lawn.

SAGITTARIUS
Never adopt kids that watched Snow White as a… well, kid.

CAPRICON
Mother's love can make you fly. It is the only real superpower.

AQUARIUS
Pro gamers prefer remote controllers over DualShock controllers

PISCES
What do you do? I write horoscopes. What does it pay? Bills.