THIS is the closest FIFA gets to ICC. It's 7 for 1 in 90 minutes. No, it's not due to Neymar's absence, otherwise one vertebra of his would have a valuation of seven goals.
We also learn that 'boo' sounds the same in Portuguese. Nevertheless, the Brazilian fans stick around to the end. Oh wait! Those are yellow coloured empty seats.
The melancholy spills over to the German goal keeper too -- he also wanted to score a goal.
One thing is for sure, the game is worthy of being aired on Comedy Central.
“See? Playing in front of a home crowd is a LOT of pressure!” re-iterates Shakib Al Hasan. Hey, how about Bangladesh Cricket Board (BCB) gives Shakib a No Objection Certificate (NOC) to play in Brazil?
Well, it's Pepe's head, Suarez's jaw, Neymar's vertebra, Romero's hand (thank heavens not Maradona's) and now, Shakib's behind.
Shakib's sentencing is not just for his argument with a spectator as that would have landed him an endorsement gig for Scare and Handsome. Or for quarreling with the coach as we always do with our parents. It's also not for heading off to the Caribbean without an NOC as he came home, said sorry and claimed to have left with a verbal nod.
Well, let's see what Sir Winston Churchill has to say: “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference”.
Aha! So, that goes for even if there is a problem with that very attitude.
The length of the sentence will surely turn Shakib into Mahatma Gandhi, not only in demeanour but also in cricketing age.
I guess there is no punishment without a punishment. Let Bangladeshi cricket suffer for a year and a half for the crimes of one guy. No big deal. Hey, we're doing just fine after sacrificing a bridge for one person.
But what if Shakib's attitude is a defense against mediocrity? What if he wakes up with a good attitude and then idiotic things happen? What if he thinks he doesn't have an attitude problem but rather the BCB has a problem with his attitude which in turn is not really his problem? Or is it his attitude or his personality that the BCB can't handle? Or is it simply his style and not his attitude? Or, is it an attitude problem or a perception problem?
Yes, no, I don't know. But the fact remains that he's just another native of this country where everyone, starting from my 2 year old, has an attitude. Here's a common threat, turbo charged with attitude, “You probably don't know who you're talking to.” My response, “Actually I don't. If you were really somebody, I would have known.”
We all have attitudes. It's just that those of the famous are noticed.  So, if the world's top all rounder shows some attitude, well, that's the side dish with the steak.
Am I a blind Shakib fan? No. Am I a BCB hater? No. But that doesn't stop me from writing on the issue as I have a 600 word quota to do so. A punishment was in the offing. No disagreement.  The question is whether the punishment fits the crime. How about slapping a hefty fine on Shakib and channelising the money to anger management research?
Let's see what pans out in this drama. At least for now, Shakib has a lot of free time. Play some video games with another man with a lot of leisure -- Suarez. How about Mortal Kombat. Er, I'm sure there's a better choice of games.
And the BCB? Hire a few meteorologists to get Shakib attitude forecasts and then let the Tigers set sail, with a FULL crew.
Meantime Shakib, for iftar, try eating a humble pie…

The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club. E-mail: [email protected]