ACCENT MINISTRY MULLS CRACKDOWN ON STUPID ACCENTS
"There's so much drama in the country,
The Accent Police are listening.
Be careful or you will be history
Another crossfire/ died by suicide mystery
ITS NOT MURDER…"
Chathousandnaire
BREAKING NEWS: After the abysmal performance of Donald Trump's accent during the rally in India, attended by 14 billion people according to Saffron Party data, the government of Bangladesh has decided to crack down on stupid accents.
"This is the greatest of all years' celebration this year. We are inviting a lot of foreign dignitaries, like Shah Rukh Khan, and they will try to woo us by speaking in our language. But if they do not have the right accent, then that will mean trouble," Accent Minister Nazrul Tagore said in Bangla, exaggerating his enunciations.
To ensure the accent problem does not repeat itself and to stress for people like Donald Trump that every country isn't China and Sachin is not Suu Chii, the Bangladesh Accent Ministry has issued a circular highlighting some errors. The circular dumbs down Bangla for the general public, especially those stupid English-medium kids, who are victims of the British curriculum (b t dub) more so than anything else.
For instance, the circular mentions that "a flower is not a fool because the F is like Ph". It also advises against replacing "che" with "se", although some believe that is more of a class issue than an accent one.
The Accent Ministry's decree has also kicked up a storm, as they announced creating relearning centres -- a loaded term nowadays -- for those who spoke Bangla in an English accent.
"Firstly, no one even knows what that means. What is Bangla in an English accent? Are other accents for Bangla then allowed? We feel like this a racist attack and is divisive in nature," Professor Englishman of the English Academy in Dhaka told this newspaper.
There are also fears that the unofficial wing of the Accent Police will soon be unleashed on the masses who have protested the crackdown on accents. The government maintains that such a wing does not exist and the masked men wreaking havoc on the city are not part of the ruling party but "hooligans with party affiliations."
"There have been sporadic incidents of violence, perpetrated by both sides. But if any one of us is involved then they will be punished," Whataboutdul Father?, with a question mark in his name and also the man who directs the unofficial police, said about technically investigating himself.
When pointed out that sporadic violence did not exactly mean 13 deaths in the same vicinity, Whataboudul asked this journalist to shut his damn mouth and know his damn role. This generated applause from the populists who love straight shooters.
When the Ruler of the Country was asked about the matter, S/he said, "Crackdowns on crackdowns, fam. That's how we roll." S/he indeed vibed with the new generation with these words.
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