Indian humour

How do you make a Sri Lankan laugh? No, it's not a joke. I need to know. A busy public speaker, your humble narrator has appeared on stage (and sometimes bombed) in a variety of odd corners of Asia. The toughest audiences are South Asians. My fellow subcontinentals have a brand of humour all their own. It's not easy to get into -- but it's well worth the effort.
In a bid to battle the imminent tragedy of global humour being defined by "America's Funniest Home Videos," this blog occasionally pays homage to under-appreciated comedy from Asia. Today's focus: South Asian humour.
Typical, homegrown north Indian jokes often circulate in marvellous Indian-English slang. Example: "Manager: Raju! You was discharged from hospital yesterday only. Why you come office today itself?" Raju: "Doctor told me take rest for a month. That's why I come to office!" OK, so it doesn't travel that well, but it really does evoke the ethos of Indian office banter.
Irony is usually classified as a Western invention, but wags in south Asia sometimes poke fun at aspects of our own culture -- such as the long names we carry. Example: James Bond is on a mission. He ends up on a flight next to a guy from Andhra Pradesh who speaks Telugu. Telugu Guy: "Hello. May I know your good name, please?" James Bond: "The name's Bond. James Bond. You are…?" Telugu Guy: "The name's Sai. Venkata Sai. Siva Venkata Sai. Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…"
This joke continues like this for a long time, but you get the picture. And now you know why there's no Indian James Bond. The movie would be over before he'd finished introducing himself.
Non-Resident Indians, better known as NRIs, often swap laughs on cultural treasures of their motherland, such as Bollywood movies.
Example: If Titanic had been made by Bollywood: (a) There would be ten times as many people on the ship; (b) Kate Winslet would wear a white dress and sing in the rain; (c) The movie would be seven and half hours long; (d) Leo di Caprio would chase Kate Winslet around the ship, singing and dancing around pillars; (e) The hero and the villain would turn out to be brothers, separated at birth; (f) Leo would have a sister, brother, mother, father and uncle on board; (g) Leo would survive and rescue his villainous brother, and the film would end with a musical family reunion.
Actually, judging by the level of crass melodrama in it, I think Titanic probably was an Indian movie.
Meanwhile, the humour of young South Asian people nearly always focuses on the generation gap.
Example: You know you are South Asian if: (a) Your dad is an engineer or doctor; (b) Everyone assumes you're good at math; (c) You have a 25-kilo sack of rice in your pantry; (d) Your father has the same amount of hair on his ears as his head; (e) You have rocks, sticks, leaves and mysterious strange-smelling substances in your medicine cabinet; (f) You refer to all adults as Auntie and Uncle.
South Asians often feel unfairly stereotyped, so some react against it with sardonic humour.
Example: Westerner: "Why do your women wear red dots on their foreheads?" South Asian: "So their husbands can use them for target practice."
Westerner: "Are you all vegetarian?" South Asian: "Yes. Even our tigers are vegetarian."
Westerner: "Do you speak Hindu?" South Asian: "Yes. And I belong to a religion called Hindi."
Westerner: "Why do you people walk on burning coals?" South Asian: "It makes our feet strong so we don't have to buy designer shoes."
Westerner: "Why do you go around on elephants?" South Asian: "Elephants are what we use for taxis. There's a meter behind the left ear."
OK, so I don't expect to see a stand-up from Hyderabad displacing Jay Leno tomorrow. But it is important to realise that people who live in Asia, and particularly South Asia, have our own sense of humour.
And boy, do we need it.

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