Happy New Year! And I really mean it! Because 2012 is going to be the best year ever! Seriously! I know, because I'm a person from the future! And here in the future, guess what? It's 2112 and we're celebrating the centennial of 2012! That's how amazing 2012 is going to be!
You 2012ers are so lucky! Where to start? Politics? Your 2012 presidential election has gone down in history for all the right reasons! Our students still memorize Newt Gingrich's famous "(POUND)EpicObamaFails" tweet, revered by all for its eloquence and erudition!
Same thing with Mitt Romney's South Carolina 20-Second Robocall Address! Because unlike most 21st-century elections, your 2012 campaign was fought on a battleground of principled insinuation, thoughtful pandering and only occasional pistol-whippings!
Also, your 2012 candidates refused to make a criminal issue of one another's religion! No aspirant to higher office was stoned, doused or burned at the stake! At least from a major party!
But that's not all! We in the future remember 2012 as the year the American economy finally got back on track! The same can-do spirit that built the transcontinental railroad and designed the computer chip managed to slap together a barter system that remains the envy of the organized world! Plus, whole new classes of jobs were created in 2012! Certified public organ donor! Accredited squatter! 7-Eleven clerk practitioner! The jobs that defined the 21st century!
And who can forget the London Olympics? Truly, yours was an era when athletes still hewed to noble ideals of sportsmanship and human ideals of DNA! A full 57 percent of 2012's medals were not voided by subsequent drug or chromosome
testing a record that has stood for 100 years and counting! You should be proud, 2012! Plus, you still had a London!
The arts! Oh my gosh, the arts! How we in the 22nd century envy you the chance to see "The Real Housewives of Orange County," Season 7, for the very first time! No spoilers here! But more to the point, how we envy you the chance to see it, period! Thank God for the oral tradition! And meanwhile, enjoy your electricity, 2012!
And speaking of periods and semi-colons 2012 was the year we finally got rid of them! Yay, 2012!
Even the weather in 2012 was memorably awesome! Sweden enjoyed its last hurricane-free summer! They still talk about it in what's left of Stockholm!
There's so much more I want to tell you! But I have to get back to the New York of 2112 so I can help the Lexington Avenue Tribe fend off the giant undead flesh-eating mayor-for-life Michael Bloomberg! What? I didn't say anything about the giant undead flesh-eating mayor-for-life Bloomberg? He's not so bad, once you get used to him! And his appetite! You'll see! Soon! We just leave him offerings on his side of the Great Fifth Avenue Wall! That's what we farm children for, when we have dry land!
Anyway, I swear: You'll love 2012! I mean, with a year like that and I didn't even mention how all the radiation from Korean War II was successfully limited to just the Northern and Eastern Hemis-pheres! how could you not?

The writer is Editor at Vanity Fair.
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