In a perfect world, once married, a couple can spend the entirety of their relationship in the same state of heady love, swooning over their partner. But the real world is a different ball game all together. In the real world, for a couple in love, eventually 'life' happens and then unfortunately for all, love takes a back seat. Once kids come into the picture, and the carefree lovebirds find themselves completely absorbed, their world literally revolving around the little ones, and the relationship between husband and wife slips to a lower rung on the priority list.
As a natural progression, the thrill of being 'in love' gradually fades into a more secure and deeper bond of loving your spouse. As comforting as that thought is, the lack of thrill and excitement in a relationship ultimately starts gnawing at every couple!
When you start feeling that void in your relationship, you know it's time to pull up your socks and bring the spark back in your marriage.
Start texting again! And no, not the 'to-do' list business like texting that practically every couple slips into doing. Remember the time at the start of your relationship when you used to text sweet nothings to each other all day long? Bring a little of that back. Just so that your partner doesn't think you've suddenly gone crazy, try making it sound natural.
You can start by texting “I saw this and it reminded of the time when ….”, attaching a nice romantic memory to the end of the above sentence.
This can lead the two of you to reminisce about initial days of your courtship reminding both of you about the reasons why you fell in love in the first place. The above is just one example but you can start with that and get pretty creative with the texts till they become a norm again. By doing something as simple as this you can potentially up the 'feel good' factor of your relationship.
This is an absolute must for all couples. Set an evening aside for only the two of you. Arrange for the kids to be with trusted friends or relatives. Dress to impress, so what if by now your partner has seen you at your absolute worst, just the fact that you put in that extra effort to dress up for him/her, is enough to start the evening on a high note. Go to a nice cozy restaurant where you can actually unwind and have a proper conversation without interruptions, where each of you focus exclusively on the other.
If however you cannot get out of the house for your date, just set it up at home. Put the kids to bed early and give your house help an evening off. Set the table. Order in. Play soft music in the background and enjoy your date right at home!
And for the love of god…turn off that 'smart' phone!
LEARN SOMETHING NEW TOGETHER
The thrill of doing something new together helps bring some excitement back in your relationship. It could be anything-- learning how to cook a simple dish at home or joining a weekly yoga class, learning Salsa dancing or perhaps making pottery! Just be certain though that whatever you plan to learn is something that interests both of you. You can also consider taking on a challenge together, like running a marathon or escaping from an adventure room, or even something as simple as solving a crossword together. The basic idea is indulging in fun activities and working as a team away from the 'kids, office, house and chores' environment!
Yes, you read it right! Flirting is a sure shot way to get the flame of passion burning brightly again. Simply put, flirting is just about knowing how to make your spouse smile and maybe a blush a little too. Most couples have secret coded jokes which just they understand, refer to these in a room full of people and see your partner smile/blush with the remaining people being clueless of what just happened. Wink across the room at your partner when you catch their eye. Play footsie under the table when out for dinner with a group of friends. The possibilities are limitless.
Who doesn't love surprises? Planning simple and sweet surprises for your better half can make them feel special again. If you are the kind who likes to go all out and plan an elaborate surprise, go ahead, three cheers for you! But even very simple basic things can come as a welcome surprise, like preparing breakfast in bed for your partner, or making a paper trail that ultimately leads them to a 'Just because I love you' gift. Doing some chores that you know your partner hates doing or converting your bathroom into a spa by playing soothing music in the background and lighting some scented candles. The sky is the limit when planning surprises.
It doesn't have to be a vacation to an exotic destination (even though that would actually work very well) neither does it have to be elaborate and expensive gifts (even though those really wouldn't harm). It doesn't have to be time consuming or take a lot of effort. It just needs to be these little things that you do regularly and consistently.
Marriage indeed requires you to fall in love with the same person many times over and doing these little things gives relationships a nudge in the right direction!
Photo: LS Archive/Sazzad Ibne Sayed