University official shocked to learn Tagore refused opportunity of being called ‘sir’
Shahbagh University faculty member and Assistant to the Regional Proctor, Dr Mamunur Schrute has recently been in the headlines for misbehaving with some mere peasants, also known as university students.
In last week's academic council meeting, Dr Schrute reportedly proposed the idea of a weekly shouting session for students involved in the heinous crime of not denoting all university officials as 'sir' and disrupting the reputation of the organisational trainwreck that is Prachyer Harvard.
In a public university that suffers from accommodation crisis, official services mismanagement, lack of research facilities, chaotic political climate, and lack of student safety, Dr Schrute claims the top priority of the authority should be to ensure that all faculty members are referred with their proper designations.
"A student was on hunger strike owing to some irrelevant demand that doesn't concern me as assistant to the regional proctor. So, I tackled it in the most responsible way I could and the only way anyone deals with anything in Bangladesh – through verbal violence," Dr Schrute explained his actions.
"I have worked very hard to reach this position. The day I got this job as a faculty member at the most prestigious institution in the country, I knew I had peaked in life. So, I refused to put any more effort into anything unless I'm forced to by my superiors and decided to belittle everyone inferior to me. Naturally, I wouldn't let some mere peasants get in the way of my vulnerable insecurity. If there's one thing more fragile than newly built highways in Bangladesh, it's the ego of an insecure university official."
"When that peasant dared to not use 'sir' before uttering the designation of the honourable Vice Chancellor Supreme, I was shocked," Dr Schrute continued, in horror. "All officials of this university have their right to be called 'sir' straight from the womb. As a self-entitled bigot, I took it upon myself to defend the collective ego of this university body."
However, Dr Schrute's deeply rooted belief in the superiority of being called 'sir' has recently been unsettled after someone informed him that Rabindranath Tagore had refused knighthood from the British and with it, the lifelong privilege to be called sir.
"At times when I'm gloomy, I go downstairs, pay my security guard an extra 500 for him to call me 'sir' for half an hour straight. The sweet tone of an academically or socially inferior being keeping their head down in obedience and calling me 'sir' has always enticed me," Dr Schrute explained.
"As colonials in the past, the greatest feat any brown man can attain in life is to be honoured by his colonisers and for white men to offer him validation. I can't believe Tagore would let go of this glorious opportunity over some silly moral reasons. And here I am, having to fight disobedient millennials for an ounce of ego boost!"
"If you'd ask me, I'd fight with a mob full of oppressed public university students for the privilege of being called sir by white men across the world," sighed Dr Schrute.
Remind Ifti to be quieter at firstname.lastname@example.org