Getting ghosted by the person who liked me first
Getting ghosted is never easy. But getting ghosted by a guy who liked you first, a guy everyone still defines as the quintessential nice guy, is confusing. It makes you question if there was something wrong with you or if you misread any signals. Eventually, it keeps you up at night. Things get awkward and you begin to wonder if you should move on or if you should wait, if you should just pretend it never happened every time you see them or if you should overthink every minor detail of the conversations you had with them. It is one of those things that you never really know how to handle.
This was back in 2021 when I started frequenting a cafe and met a guy who worked there. He would make small talk with me and oftentimes, give me a pastry and coffee on him. When we exchanged socials, we started messaging each other. Nothing too deep or intellectual but simple texts like, "It was nice seeing you today" or "Thanks for dropping by".
He was not exactly smooth and nearly everyone in the cafe, including myself and my friends, quickly realised that he had a crush on me. I was not looking to break any hearts and made myself explicitly clear that I was not looking for anything romantic and yet, the texts, the coffee and pastries kept coming. Fast forward a year, I eventually found myself catching feelings and thought to myself, "Why not give the nice guy a chance?" So, when he did finally ask me out, I was excited and I said, "Yes."
And then he ghosted me the very next morning.
I was angry and hurt. I felt like I got played. I wanted answers but my ego was inflated. I wondered, and sometimes still wonder today, if I should have waited for him to reach out when he was ready. Maybe, he was dealing with things he thought I would not understand. Maybe, I was too hasty when I started seeing someone else just to prove that I was not going to wait around for anyone. The possibilities and the things I could have done differently are endless. I could have simply been more direct like I was in turning him down. Now, every time I see him, I have no idea how to interact because he still treats me the same, and I feel like he still likes me. In those moments I think, "What went wrong?" A part of me feels that this is the one that got away and no one is to blame. I like to believe that it was life that got in the way.
I am not hopeful for us anymore as I have moved on but maybe in some parallel universe, we share a life we have built together. Maybe, if the stars align someday, we will have our chance. Maybe time will neutralise the hurt I feel every time I see him. This is perhaps a love story that is not a love story at all.
To the guy who liked me first and ghosted me, I sincerely apologise for how I handled our situation.
Puja does nothing but read Gaiman and drinks unhealthy amounts of coffee. Send her cat photos at facebook.com/pspspspspspspspspspspuwu/