FIFA Career Mode Manager Held in Court by His Own Club
FIFA Career Mode manager gamerBoy_32 was taken to court earlier today with 23 major allegations brought against him by FIFA, UEFA, and even his own club. He was arrested last week from his house while the alleged was noob-shaming a 12-year-old in Valorant.
Prior to the trial, FIFA's official lawyer briefed the press regarding the accusations brought against the FIFA amateur-mode prodigy. "The defendant has been accused of rage-quitting the game by pressing 'Alt+F4' just because he conceded a goal in the 89th minute of the Champions League final and thus robbing Barcelona of their much-awaited UCL title," said the FIFA lawyer. "The defendant, however, has justified this heinous crime by claiming it to be his way of getting back at Barcelona for the 2009 UCL semi-final robbery against Chelsea."
gamerBoy_32 has also been accused of changing CPU settings and bringing all opponent attributes to zero while his own attributes were maxed out to a 100 in the middle of the match, which allowed his players to run, pass and shoot twice as fast. In an exhibition match, he also reportedly changed sides in the middle of the game, to make the opponent score a few own goals and win the game.
However, allegations brought by his own club were more severe. In the press briefing, the club's lawyer said, "The club is very disappointed by the defendant's irrational actions on and off the field. The defendant, on multiple occasions, has tried to dribble across the entire field with the goalkeeper and failed miserably. On one such occurrence, the team conceded 14 goals in a match due to his unjustifiable actions. Playing the goalkeeper as the centre forward and playing our main striker as the keeper, he kept passing the ball back and forth between keeper and defenders just to see how 98:2 looks on the possession bar. Absolutely outrageous!"
"Despite all these ludicrous actions, the club acknowledges gamerBoy_32's irrefutable efforts in the club's success in major tournaments like UCL and the Premier League," he continued. "Nevertheless, his careless management of the club's finances had caused the club to go nearly bankrupt earlier this year. He conducted several mindless experiments with the club's funds. At the end of the season, he bought a player with a 60 overall and offered him the club's entire budget – a whopping 229 million euros – just to see how he reacts."
A defamation lawsuit was also filed against gamerBoy_32 by Lionel Messi. Earlier this season, the defendant reportedly called Messi and his agent for a meeting and offered him 1 euro as his transfer fee, just as a joke.
"Players are furious with his actions as well," said the club's president. "He played injured players from the bench with 80+ overalls just to keep his 'Golden A+ squad' intact, risking the 36-year-old player's future in professional football."
When the defendant was given a chance to speak, he justified himself to the jury, "I know my ways are unorthodox, but goddamn it, I get results! Have you ever heard any other club score 18 goals in a Champions League final? Just last season, the club scored 504 goals in total under my management. Sue me all you want but your honour, don't forget, the real crime here is playing FIFA manager mode in 2021."
At the hearing, the court banned gamerBoy_32 from playing FIFA ever again and sentenced him to 4 years of penal servitude where he'll be forced to play eFootball, formerly known as Pro Evolution Soccer (PES), the entire time.
Hasib Ur Rashid Ifti reads books, idolizes Osamu Dazai and plans to check his email any day now. Send him book suggestions at: email@example.com