Illegal devices to be permanently banned
The Minister's Republic of Shondesh recently announced that its technology division, the Shondesh 'We Totally know Technology' Committee or Shondesh Tech Committee (STC), will crack down on any illegal devices present in the country.
The director in chief of STC provided further details in the following statement.
"Ninety percent of the technology devices are imported illegally, without paying tariffs or taxes to the government. We have thought about this long and hard, and have decided to end all such devices in the coming week. Additionally, we have also decided that currently there are too many channels on TV and we plan to end this once and for all, with the only channel that we have whitelisted being SPTV (Shondesh Propaganda TV). So, say goodbye to your myPads, myPhones, and Phony TVs. Even pacemakers will not be exempt. If you are running a pacemaker that hasn't been cleared of tax payments, it's going to be shut down."
When this particular correspondent reached out to the director in chief for further details on how they planned to ban such devices, he said, "Ban? Who said anything about a ban? We tried that already, and after eight years and $30 million invested in making a software that could ban such devices, we had to scrap the entire project as it was making no progress.
"Then my son, who was a part of the software development team, came up with a brilliant solution. Have you heard of an electromagnetic pulse (EMP)? Well, we are going to use multiple EMP cannons throughout the country to ensure that all illegal devices are destroyed permanently. Finally, we will be rid of this menace. I expect that my son and I will get the Baishey Padak very soon for this ingenious plan."
I currently find myself finishing this article, a week after the initial plan was announced by the STC, with pen on paper, as half of the country is currently facing a full-on electrical blackout.